I Kill People

You Want Some Of This?

        Jon Lajoie, born and raised in Montreal, Canada, is the third in a family of nine children. He graduated from Dawson College

D
          D
It's your birthday today,

What does that mean I guess I'll try to explain,
G
That many years ago on this day,
           A								D
It was the first time your parents saw your beautiful face.

And nine months before that magical day,

Your Dad probably took your Mom out on a date,
			G
And they were having a good time,
                        D
They were dancing and drinking wine.

And when they got home they were horny as hell,

And your Dad threw your Mom down on the bed,
       G
And he tore her panties off,
              D
and his weewee was hard as a rock.

And then your Mom wanted to give your Dad head,

But your Dad also wanted to give your Mom head,
	  G
So they formed a sixty-nine,
			 D
And your Mom came at least three times.

And then your Dad was so excited to get inside your Mom,

That he forgot to put a condom on,
            G
And when he realized his mistake, 
        A                             D
He had ejaculated and it was too late.
             D              A
And then your Mom got pregnant,
         Bm           D
And your Dad started cryin',
               G                 A
He wanted your Mom to get an abortion,
         Bm             D
But your Mom really wanted a child.
  G                   A
And nine months later you were born.
    G                      A               D
And five months later your parents got a divorce.

Happy birthday

Birthday Song

Dm         B      A        E
How do you show someone you love
Dm        B       E
That they are the one
Dm      B       A       E
So many ways to express love
Dm           B           A
It's hard to choose just one
How you gonna do it

E                   A     B                   Dm
Some people like to kiss, some people like to hug,
E             A                            E
Some lesbians like eating each other's shit out of a cup
                 A            B         Dm
Some people say "i love you," some even shout it out
E                     A             B         E
Some people puke semi-digested shit into each other's mouths

Dm        B       A          E
Sometimes making love's not enough,
Dm          B       E
You have to step it up
Dm       B    A      E
And urinating on her face
Dm      B        A
Is not enough to say
 "i love you"

E                   A     B                   Dm
Some people like to kiss, some people like to hug,
E             A                            E
Some lesbians like eating each other's shit out of a cup
                 A            B         Dm
Some people say "i love you," some even shout it out
E                     A             B         E
Some people puke semi-digested shit into each other's mouths

E
She's covered in vomit and human feces
E
That how i know that she needs me
E
She's covered in vomit and human feces
E
That how i know that she needs me
E
She's covered in vomit and human feces
E
That how i know that she needs me
A                       E
Shit in my mouth and i'll puke it all over your face 
I love you

2 Girls 1 Cup Song

E  E  B  Dm  B  A  B  E  B
E                                     B           Dm
Have you ever watched the sun go down?
                                          B
And you're thinking bout' the world spinning round
A                           B                   E    B
Have you ever been high as fuck?

E                                B                          Dm
You're in the bathroom mirror talking to yourself
                                B
And your dog's looking at you like you need help
A                           B	           E     B
Have you ever been high as fuck?

E                                        B
And then you feel your heart pumping really fast 
Dm                                           B
And you're convinced that you're gonna have a heart attack
A		    B                 E      B
Have you ever been high as fuck?

E				 B
You close your eyes and you're on a chicken farm
Dm                  		  B
The only problem's that the chickens have human arms
A      				    B			        E  B
You say "that's fucked up, why do the chickens have human arms?"

E				 B
You need snacks so you walk to the corner store
Dm			      B
But you're scared because you think that they will know you're high
A		          B			    E  B
So you walk around the block to buy some time

E                        B
You finally decide to go into the store 
Dm			           B
But you're so high you don't know why you're there anymore
A			B			E       B
So you just buy a pack of gum and get the hell out of there

Dm			         B           E    B
You're walking home and you're mouth is dry

      Dm
You should have bought some juice and snacks 
	B           E
But you were too high

Dm	        B	         E	     B
Thinking 'bout ketchup chips
Dm			       B      E
And for some reason the game Battleship

E
And you start thinking about how fun it was to play games
E
like battleship when you were a kid 
E
and how, as we get older we forget how to play and just to enjoy ourselves
E
so you say "Guess What? I'm gonna make up a game right now
E
and it involves a baseball bat and a porcupine 
E
and I'm gonna try to kill a porcupine with a baseball bat
E
but then you don't know where to find a porcupine so 
E
you do a search on ebay but people don't sell porcupines on the internet
E		Bm			           B
and you say "You know what world? You've got me cornered again!"

I'm gonna roll another joint

E		     B		  Dm
You ever eat a whole bag of crackers that were so old
	 B	               A
That they weren't crispy anymore?
		B	      E
Have you ever been high... as fuck?

High As F#%k

D     G 
Hello boys and girls,
   A                    G
its time to learn about potty time.
              D
Do you feel a ca-ca in your bum-bum
      G              A
or a pee-pee in your wee-wee?
      G
Well, come along and sing with me

D       G
Poo-poo comes out of your bum
    A                   G
and it makes funny noises 
    D
pbt pbt pbt

D       G
Poo poo comes out of your bum
A                          G
but you should do it in the toilet.

D
And if you have to do a pee pee
G
do it in the potty
A                        G                         D
peeing in your pants is really really naughty.
G               A              G         D
This applies to some old people too.

The Potty Training Song

[Rit. 1]
  A              E       F#m         D
Please use this song in your commercial (x2)
A              E       F#m         D
I need the money, so please use this to sell something
A              E       F#m         D
Please use this song in your commercial

[Verse 1]
A                      E      
A fast food franchise, office supplies
F#m                    D
A brand new hair dye, a dating website
A                      E 
A suicide hotline, a new way to exercise
F#m                    D
A preview for a movie that is coming out in July
A                      E 
A political campaign, a new video game
F#m                    D
A medication that you didn't know you should be taking
A                      E 
Any product any service this is the right song
F#m                    D
Your target audience will be singing and dancing along

[Rit. 2]
  A              E       F#m         D
Please use this song in your commercial (x2)
A              E       F#m         D
I need the exposure, my house is in foreclosure
A              E       F#m         D
So please use this song in your commercial

[Bridge]
D              A         D         A
Oh to have a song in a national campaign
D                A                D          A
Millions would hear my song and they would say
D                          A
"Have you seen that commercial?
A
You know the one about that thing?
Bm                      D                    E
The song playing in the background is really great!"

A                      E    
A credit card company, join the military
F#m                    D
A new way to make yourself less hairy
A                      E 
Life insurance, medical insurance
F#m                    D
Cat insurance, insurance insurance
A                      E 
Financial institution, the one that took my house
F#m                    D
If you use this song maybe we can work something out
A                      E 
Any product any service this is the right song
F#m                    D
Your target audience will be singing and dancing along

[Rit. 1]
  A              E       F#m         D
Please use this song in your commercial (x2)
A              E       F#m         D
I need the money, so please use this to sell something
A              E       F#m         D
Please use this song in your commercial

[Rit. 3]
 A              E       F#m         D
Please use this song in your commercial [x2]
A              E       F#m         D
The music industry's dying, but consumerism is thriving
A              E       F#m       D      A
So please use this song in your commercial

Please Use This Song (for Your Commercial)

C   
Jaja, okay okay
                  F
Ya sé qué pasa aquí
   A#                            C
Encuentras la grandeza frente a ti
             C
Y no sabes bien qué sentir
       F            A#                      C
Es adorable, que jamás los humanitos cambiarán
           C       F
Despierta ya, oye bien, 
           A#                   C
este como ves es Maui, de verdad
             C                F
Sé que como yo no encuentras dos
        A#          C
Lo que miras es un semi Dios

[Coro 1]
Am         F           C
  Yo solo sé decir de nada
        E7               Am
Por el mar, el cielo, el sol
                F            C
No hay de que agradecer, de nada
     E7                    C
Soy sólo un ordinario semi yo

[Estrofa 2]
C                                F  
Hey, ¿qué fortachón el cielo elevó?
                        A#
Cuando eras de esta altura, éste
C                  C
  Si la noche enfrió, 
                  F
¿quién fue quien fuego te llevó?
       A#          
¿Qué, alguien me nombró? 
C              C       F
  Oh, yo sólo lazo el sol
          A#                    C
De nada, para estirar tu diversión
          C       F
Brisa yo hago soplar, de nada, 
   A#           C
y así tus velas elevar

[Coro 2]
Am        F            C
  Yo sólo sé decir de nada, 
        E7                  Am
por las islas que traje del mar
              F                  C
No ruegues jamás, nunca más, de nada
         E7                     Am
¡Ha! Genial es mi manera de servir, 
    F
de nada, 
    C
de nada

[Parte Rap]
C
De nada dudes ya
Hey, honestamente te explicaré 
de natural modo cada fenómeno
El mar, el sol, el gas, 
oh, ese es Maui hablando de más
Anguilas que, yo las enterré, 
de la palmera los cocos creé
Un consejo, una lección te doy
No me molestes si en mi descanso estoy
Am
  El tapiz que en mi piel se ve, 
F
  es el mapa de lo que gané
C
  Por donde fui provoqué mil sucesos
E7
  Ve al pequeñín mini Maui nomás zapateando,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ¡Hey!

[Coro 3]
Am          F              C
  Yo sólo puedo decir, de nada (de nada)
           E7              Am
Por el mundo especial que doy
                 F           C
No hay de que agradecer, de nada (de nada)
    E7                     Am
De nada hablaré, que ya me voy
          F            C
Te toca a ti decir de nada (de nada)
       E7             Am
Pues quiero esa barca ya
             F          C
Muy lejos navegaré, de nada (de nada)
       E7               Am
Pues Maui nada sabe de nadar
              F                 C  F C
(De nada) De nada (De nada) de nada
         C
Y gracias

De Nada

G      Em
I found a love for me
               C                         D
Darling just dive right in, and follow my lead
                G                 Em
Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet
          C                                  D
I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

                                 G
Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
              Em                     C               G  D
Not knowing what it was, I will not give you up this ti-ime
                   G                         Em
But darling just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
             C                  D
And in your eyes you’re holding mine

       Em   C            G          D              Em
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
C                G     D                Em
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
          C                G                 D              Em
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
         C                G        D             
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight

               G                    Em
Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
                C                                        D
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home
           G             Em
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
         C                              D
To carry love, to carry children of our own

                              G                     Em 
We are still kids, but we’re so in love, fighting against all odds
                  C               G  D
I know that we’ll be alright this ti-ime
               G                            Em 
Darling just hold my hand, be my girl, I’ll be your man
          C              D
I see my future in your eyes



       Em   C            G          D              Em
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
C                G     D                Em
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
          C                G                 D               Em
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
         C                G        D             
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight

G Em C D 


       Em     C            G          D              Em
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
C                G     D                Em
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
          C                G                 D               Em
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
         C                G        D             
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight


Perfect

BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP


C         G
Baa, baa, black sheep,
F            C
Have you any wool?

F        C
Yes sir, yes sir,
G          C
Three bags full.

C           G
One for the master,
F           C
One for the dame,

F               C
And one for the little boy
G                  C
Who lives down the lane.

Baa Baa Black Sheep

G         Em		  
1) Almost heaven,   West Virginia,
2) All my mem'ries, gather round her, 

   D			 C                G
1) Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah       River.
2) miner's lady,         stranger to blue water.

                      Em  
1) Life is old there, older than the trees, 
2) Dark and dusty,    painted on the sky, 

   D
1) younger than the mountains
2) misty taste of moonshine

   C			G
1) growin' like a breeze.
2) teardrop in my eye.

              G              D            Em        C
       Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong.
	      G               D              C            G
     West Virginia, Mountain momma, take me home Country roads


           Em       D            G 
 	I hear her voice in the morning hour she calls me,
            C        G              D 
        the radio reminds her of my home far away
            Em               D            C
        and driving down the road I get a feeling 
 	       G                     D          D7    G
        that I should have been home yesterday, yesterday.

Country Roads

Intro (2X):
Am	G	F	C

Verse 1:
                C	               Am		
There's so much craziness surrounding me
                F	 	             G		            
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
     Am     F		                          C
When all my faith has gone you bring it back to me
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me

             C	             Am		
When I'm not sure of my priorities
               F	 	             G		
When I've lost sight of where I meant to be
     Am   F		            C
Like holy water washing over me 
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me

Chorus:
    G	    Am	   F	             C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am	              F	           C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am	         F	               C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am	         G	       F   C
Cause you make it real for me 

Verse 2:
          C	                   Am		
When my head is strong but my heart is weak
              F	 	          G		
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
     Am      F				                          C
When I can't find the words you teach my heart to speak
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me yeah

Chorus:
    G	    Am	   F	             C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am	              F	           C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am	         F	               C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am	         G	       F   C
Cause you make it real for me 

Bridge:
G                           F                 C
    Everybody’s talking in words I don't understand
G                                    F              C
    You got to be the only one who knows just who I am
Em                                    F	
    You’re shining in the distance I hope I can make it through
           D	                              G                                    
Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you 


Verse 3:
                 C	             Am		
I guess there's so much more I have to learn
               F	 	                       G		
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn
        Am         F		                   C
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run
Am	            G	       F   C
   You make it real for me 

Chorus:
    G	    Am	   F	             C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am	              F	           C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am	         F	               C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am	         G	       F   C
Cause you make it real for me 
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me

You Make It Real

LA RE
Jo et duré a casa si fa mal temps
MI FA#m
Jo t’empararé si un cas tens por
SIm MI
Jo te cuidaré si estàs malalta
RE LA
De tot cor, de tot cor
RE REm LA
De tot cor

MI RE DO#m-SIm-LA

FA#m DO#m
Estic a punt d’anar-me’n
RE LA RE
Mes abans de partir et diré
REm LA
Que et duc dins es pensament

FA#m DO#m
No deix de recordar-te
RE LA RE
I alen els teus alens tot calents
REm SIm MI
De lluny i de prop me tens


Jo et duré...

FA#m DO#m
I a dalt de s’escenari
RE LA RE
Quan estic concentrat cantant
REm MI
Jo sempre te tenc present

FA#m DO#m
Perquè m’ets necessari
RE LA
Com s’aire que respir
RE REm SIm MI
Necessit estar amb tu en tot moment


Jo et duré... ( bis )

De tot cor

Intro/Verse
A|--4--1--3--6---------------------------------------------------|
E|--------1--4---------------------------------------------------|
C|--8--5---------------------------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------------------------------|

Chorus
A|--1--4--4--4--6------------------------------------------------|
E|--------2-----4------------------------------------------------|
C|--5--8-----8---------------------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------------------------------|

Solo
A|--8-8-8-8-8-9-6-6-8-9-I----------8-------------------------------|
E|-------------------------9-9-9-9---4-4-4-------------------------|
D|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
G|-----------------------------------------------------------------|

A|--8-8-8-8-8-9-6-6-8-9-I------------------------------------------|
E|---------------------------9-9-9-9-------------------------------|
D|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
G|-----------------------------------------------------------------|

School Friends

Verse 1:
G                                    Em        G        Em
There was a girl who lived in London town.
G                                 Em                   G      Em
The scenes and sounds, they would only bring her down
C                                   D
She had polkadots and rubies in her dreams,
C                   D
French fantasies on cinema screens...
        C             G/B    Am     G
And she knew from the finish to the start
C      G/B      Am   G
It was bound to fall apart
C         G/B     Am   Em
Thanks to Cupid's lazy dart.
Em                                D
Wouldn't it be sweet if she could die from a broken heart?

G     Em      G      Em

Verse 2: (the same chords)
There was a boy who lived inside his head.
He couldn't face the world, so he turned his back instead.
He couldn't see in front of his eyes;
His fantasies of outlaws had him hypnotised...

And he knew from the finish to the start
It was bound to fall apart
Thanks to Cupid's lazy dart.                        F
Wouldn't it be sweet if he could die from a broken heart?

   C              G           F
Behold his golden wings
       C              G         F
And behold his bronze bow.
                 C             G         F
Can you hear his silver arrows sing?
       C               G     
As his gaylied favours glow.

(then go back to the normal verse bit)

There was a boy and girl who fell in love:
They both were in love with the stars and sky above,
Cinderella, cigarettes and scenes from the past
Were chasing them too fast for this love to ever last...

And they knew from the finish to the start
It was bound to fall apart
Thanks to Cupid's lazy dart.                         F
Wouldn't it be sweet if they could die from a broken heart? 

C   G    F    C    G

Repeat F  C  G until the end. End on G.

Arrows Of Eros

Am      C              F              C
I had a dream, we were sipping whisky neat
        F              C                 G
Highest floor, the Bowery, and nowhere’s high enough
    Am              C                F             C
Somewhere along the lines, we stopped seeing eye to eye
         F               C           G
You were staying out all night and I had enough


      F           Am             F                    C       
No, I don't wanna know where you been or where you're goin’
      F               Am                 G
But I know I won't be home and you'll be on your own


            F                    C                G
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?
            F                 C                 G
Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep?
             F                C               G         E7   Am
Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?
             F                    C                G
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning, it ain’t me


Am        C              G         F   
Ow-ow, ah-ah the Bowery, ow-ow, ah-ah whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F         C              Am        G
Ow-ow, ah-ah the Bowery, ow-ow, ah-ah whiskey neat
F           C       G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F      C           Am     G
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
F           C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)


Am  C  Am       C              F           C
       I had a dream, we were back to seventeen
       F                   C            G
Summer nights and the Libertines, never growing up
Am             C          F                 C
I'll take with me the polaroids and the memories
        F              C                G
But you know I'm gonna leave behind the worst of us


             F                    C                G
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?
             F                 C                 G
Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep?
             F                C               G         E7   Am
Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?
             F                    C                G               
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning

         F      C     G
It ain’t me, no-o, no-o
         F      C     G
It ain’t me, no-o, no-o
         F      C     G  E7  Am
It ain’t me, no-o, no-o
             F                    C                G                
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning, it ain’t me


Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F      C           Am     G
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
F           C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F      C           Am     G
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
F           C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F            C           Am           G
No no, no no no, Bowery, no no, no no no, whiskey neat
F           C       G                     Am
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I, it ain’t me

It Ain't Me

Am
There's a sadness all around us
          F                         C
There are words we're too afraid to say
                                        Am
The things that I thought would last forever
    F              G
Are changing every day

          Am
There's a hunger can't be satisfied
        F                       C
And the streets are filled with rage
C                       Am
It's time to dig deep inside ourselves
F                       G
And face the life we've made

Am
It's gonna take two of us
C                           Am
Ijust can't do it all on my own
F				  C
I see the day gettin' brighter
G                    F
Hold me a little bit tighter

C                      Am      F
Out of the darkness in hand in hand
     Am               F        G
Baby together we will make our stand
C                             Am      F
Reach out and touch me we can win somehow
       Am              F                G
I know there's nothing that can stop us now
F              Am                 G   C
Oh, baby, come with me out of the darkness

...

2 Girls 1 Cup Song	No rating	intermediate	Chords	Full	Other versions
Birthday Song	No rating	intermediate	Chords	Full
High As F#%k	No rating	intermediate	Chords	Full
Please Use This Song (for Your Commercial)	No rating	intermediate	Chords	Full
The Potty Training Song	No rating	intermediate	Chords	Full

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