Bo Burnham

Bo Fo Sho

Words Words Words

what.

Bo Burnham (born August 21, 1990 in Hamilton, Massachusetts, United States) is a comedian, musician and singer/songwriter. Burnham originally found fame through YouTube before being signed to Comedy Central Records in 2008. Burnham has released two studio albums and an EP: &quot;Bo Fo Sho - EP&quot; (2008), &quot;Bo Burnham&quot; (2009) and &quot;Words Words Words&quot; (2010). Burnham's March 2009 &quot;Comedy Central Presents&quot; special made him the youngest comedian to have appeared on the program.

Sad
bo burnham
intro

It's about how sad I am.
And I'm really sad, so it's called "Sad"
It's about all the sad stuff
Just picture a depressed onion cutting itself.
verse 1

 C I met a homeless man named  F Rich (He wasn't)
 Am Isn't that  G terrible?
 C I saw a flyer for a lost  F dog
 Am and the dog didn't have any  G legs
 C I saw a diabetic  F kid
 Am trick-or- G treating
 C I saw a giraffe who had a short  F neck
 Am That was sad or a  G deer
 Em I saw an  F old man get  C hit by a  G train
He didn Em 't see it in the pouring F  rain
 Em He didn't  C hear me shout, "Look out for that train!" G 
'Cause I didn't say anything
I just thought to myself, "Oh, this is gonna be sad."
And it was, I'm a genius
verse 2

 C I saw a man with only one  F eye
 Am in a 3D  G movie
 C I saw a little boy drop his ice cream  F cone
 Am directly on his mother's  G corpse
 C I saw a kitten stuck in a  G tree
 Am then the kitten jumped off and he hung  G itself
 C I saw a boy who had red  F hair
 Am   ... ... ...   G 
 Em I went to a  F store looking for  C something to G  buy
 Em But they only sold  C paintings of the same  G sad guy
No, wait—this store  Em sells mirrors
 F See what I did there?
Let's rock
 C 
No
midpiece, a capella

The world's so sad, Madison
Pain, war, genocide, racism, sexism
But I gotta remember there's good things about it too
Like the fact that none of that's happening to me, score!
Still though it's hard not to be sad about it
How do y'all do it?
I've been telling you, guys, terribly sad things this whole song.
You haven't been sad at all
You've been happy, no.
You've been laughing
That's it, laughter, it's the key to everything
It's the way to solve all the sadness in the world
I mean, not for the people that are actually sad,
but for the people like us who've gotta fucking deal with 'em all the time
Being a comedian isn't being an insensitive prick capitalizing
on the most animalistic impulses of the public,
it's being a hero!
The world isn't sad. The world's funny!
I get it now! I'm a sociopath!
outro/verse 3

 C I saw an old man slip and  F fall.
 Am what a fucking  G idiot
 C I saw a woman at her daughter's  F funeral.
 Am Ha ha ha! Classic  G comedy!
 C Everything that once was  F sad
 Am is somehow funny  G now
 C The Holocaust and  F 9/11
 Am That shit's funny  G 24/7
' Em Cause tragedy  F will be exclusively C  joked about G ,
 Em Because my empathy is  F bumming me out
Goodbye Em , sadness C ! Hello, jokes G .

E      Ab
Art is dead.
Dbm    A
Art is dead.
E      Ab
Art is dead.
Dbm    A
Art is dead.

E             Ab                 Dbm
Entertainers like to seem complicated
      A              E
But we're not complicated
           Ab            Dbm
I can explain it pretty easily

         A               E
Have you ever been to a birthday
            Ab
Party for children?
                 Dbm
And one of the children
               A
Won't stop screaming
                    E
'Cause he's just a little
              Ab
Attention attractor
              Dbm
When he grows up
                 A
To be a comic or actor
            E
He'll be rewarded
             Ab
For never maturing
          Dbm                A
For never understanding or learning
            E
That every day
            Ab
Can't be about him
               Dbm
There's other people
             A
You selfish asshole

               E
I must be psychotic
             Ab
I must be demented
                   Dbm
To think that I'm worthy
                A
Of all this attention

                E                        Ab
Of all of this money, you worked really hard for
             Dbm                            A
I slept in late while you worked at the drug store
              E              Ab
My drug's attention, I am an addict
            Dbm                  A
But I get paid to indulge in my habit
               E                   Ab                   Dbm
It's all an illusion, I'm wearing make-up, I'm wearing make-up
          A
Make-up, make-up, make-up, make-up...

E      Ab
Art is dead
   Dbm                         A
So people think you're funny, how do we get those people's money
E             Ab
I said art is dead
      Dbm                      A                  E
We're rolling in dough, while Carlin rolls in his grave
    Ab         Dbm        A
His grave, his grave

    E              Ab
The show has got a budget
    Dbm            A
The show has got a budget
    E                   Ab                        Dbm
And all the poor people way more deserving of the money
      A
Won't budge it

         E                  Ab
'Cause I wanted my name in lights
       Dbm               A
When I could have fed a family of four
    E             Ab
For forty fucking fortnights
Dbm           A
Forty fucking fortnights

         E                     Ab
I am an artist, please God forgive me
         Dbm                    A
I am an artist, please don't revere me
         E                       Ab
I am an artist, please don't respect me
         Dbm                        A
I am an artist, you're free to correct me

                 E
A self-centered artist
               Ab
Self-obsessed artist
         Dbm
I am an artist
         A
I am an artist

                E
But I'm just a kid
            Ab
I'm just a kid
            Dbm
I'm just a kid

Kid
    A
And maybe I'll grow out of it

E

Art Is Dead

D
I love your hair I love your name I love the way you say it
Bm
I love your heart and your so smart 'cuz you gave away it
G
I love your sis I love your dad I love your mom
A
but more than all of the that I love the fact that you are dumb - enough
D      Bm             G                      A
to not realize everything I've said has been said before
      D
in a thousand ways
      Bm
in a thousand songs
G                       A
some with the same four chords (But you'll still love it)
D
Oh boy, girl I'm your only boy
Bm
Oh girl, boy you're my only girl
G                                 A
I'm just one boy, you're just one girl, and that makes two of us
D       Bm             G                     A       
       D
America says we love a chorus, but don't get complicated and bore us
            Bm                   G                            A
the meaning might be missing, we need to know the words after just one listen
    D                   Bm                   G              A
so repeat stuff, repeat stuff, repeat stuff, repeat stuff, repeat stuff

Repeat Stuff

A|----0----------------0-0-3-2-3-7-10-12-10-8-7-8-10-5-3-7-5-3-7-5-3-3-5-7-10-10|
E|-0-----1-0-1-------0-------------------------|
C|0------------2-0--0-------------------------|
G|---0--0-----0-------0-0----------------------------------------------------0--0|

c                        F
I met a homeless man named Rich
Am         G
Isn't that terrible?
C                       F
I saw a flyer for a lost dog
Am                         G
And the dog didn't have any legs
C               F
I saw a diabetic kid
Am       G
Trick-or-Treating
C                              F
I saw a giraffe who had a short neck
Am           G
That was sad or a deer
Em       F           C        G
I saw an old man get hit by a train
        Em                     F
He didn't see it in the pouring rain
          C                                G        Em
He didn't hear me shout, "Look out for that train!"

# Because x xxxx xxx anything

# (play riff again)

# this just repeats itself 3x there's a bridge in the middle but he's just talking during it

Progression during spoken word: C D Em D C D Em Bm x2 

(spoken) This songs about how deep I am
I'm really fucking deep bro
So deep that it's called.. Hashtag Deep

G Bm Em (C)

         G                       Bm                   Em    
Have you ever stopped to watch a bluebird drop from a tree,


and take to the air?

   G            Bm        Em 
Me Neither

         G                     Bm                         Em
Have you ever took time out to finish out a rhyme but the right words just weren't there?

     G          Bm        Em
Meat Cleaver


    G            Bm             Em             C
The people in my life are like      grains of sand

G                     Bm
   Cause they stick together

    Em
Yeah.. Often near my butt hole

   C          D          Em     D                 C       D
If life is an ocean than I am a deep and handsome fish

             G      B
A fish that's drowning  

           C                 D             
If the artistic process is a birth canal

     Em     D           C         D
Than I am a freshly jellied kid

               G      B
Come witness my crowning ( straight onto the next line without a gap )

                      C
Cause thoughts of mine

                    D      (palm mute)
Must be a sign that I'm

            G
Hashtag Deep

G Bm Em
(spoken: If jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?)
 
                  G                                Bm     
Have you ever accidentally peed on the side of the toilet seat,

    Em                               G     Bm  Em
instead of your girlfriends face? Me neither...     Me neither!

         G                 Bm
Have you ever wrote a song note for note,

          Em
and not a single note was out of place, duh?


    G            Bm             Em              C                 G
The people in my life are like        blades of grass..    How?

                     Bm              Em                  
Cause they're all so grounded but at least grass stays away from my butthole!

C        D          Em       D           C    
Art is a harlot and i am her sassy urban friend

  D                        G  B
Uh, bitch why you being so selfish

   C        D             Em          D             
If momma is right and the world is my oyster then 

C     D                         G       B
I-----I must have an allergy to shellfish

          C                   D
You don't know. How could you know

    G             D           Em   C
If life makes you wish you were dead

     G             D              C              D                  G
Just put on a good movie and then promptly put a bullet in your head

         D      Em     C         
Spend forever a---asle---ep,

       G                D          C          D
'cause life pales in comparison to living the dream

     G     D    Em    C
Hashtag...

#deep

Am                     F                  C             G    
The books you think I wrote are way too thick.
     Am                F                  C      G               Am
Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn't be a dick?
            F                  C             G
And I don't watch you when you sleep.
     Am         F              C            G            Am
Surprisingly I don't use my omnipotence to be a fucking creep

 F          C     G      Am
You're not going to heaven
        F              C              G            Am  
Why the fuck would you think I'd ever kick it with you?
      F         C     G    Am
None of you are going to heaven
           F       C      G            Am  
There's a trillion aliens cooler than you

Am Am Am Am

      Am                     F                    C                  G     G
You shouldn't abstain from rape just 'cause you think that I want you to
      Am              F                               C              C   G                 
You shouldn't rape 'cause rape is a fucked up thing to do

Like verse:
Am F C G
(Pretty obvious, just don't fucking rape people, please, didn't think I had to write that one down for you)

   Am               F             C             G   
I don't think masturbation is obscene
      Am         F              C                G                Am 
It's absolutely natural and the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen
            F            C        G      Am               F         C
You make my job a living hell and I sent gays to fix overpopulation
    G              Am
And boy did that go well


 F          C     G      Am
You're not going to heaven
      F          C             G       Am  
Eat a thousand crackers sing a million hymns
 F              C     G      Am
None of you are going to heaven
       F        C
You're not my children
         G          Am
You're a bad game of Sims

Am Am Am

      Am                     F                    C                  G     G 
You shouldn't abstain from pork just 'cause you think that I want you to
    Am              F                               C              C   G 
You can eat pork 'cause why the fuck would I give a shit?

Like verse:
Am F C G
(I created the universe, think I'd draw the line at the fucking deli aisle?)
    Am            F              C      G
You argue and you bicker and you fight
Am        F                   C      G             Am
Atheists, Catholics, Jews and Hindus argue day and night
     F                  C     G
Over what they think is true
    Am            F                    C              G              Am
But no one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you

F           C      G      Am
You pray so badly for heaven
        F      C             G            Am
Knowing any day might be the day that you die
    F             C           G     Am
But maybe life on earth could be heaven
        F        C                     G       Am
Doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try

Am Am Am

   Am                 F     C                G
My love's the type of thing that you have to earn
             Am   F  C            G       G      G
And when you earn it you won't need it need it need it
   Am                 F     C                G
My love's the type of thing that you have to earn
             Am   F  C        G 
And when you earn it you won't need it

G G G
 
    Am                 F                  C                    G     G G G
I'm not gonna give you love just 'cause I know that you want me to
   Am              F                               C       C       
If you want love then the love's gonna come from you

Chords: by ikstarky

From God's Perspective

[Verse 1]

F
Have you ever felt sad or lonely? 
Dm
Have you ever felt two feet tall?
Bb
Have you ever thought, "Man, if only
C
I was anybody else at all."
F 
They like to kick you
Dm
when times get rough
Bb
And you give your all
C 
But it's not enough


Bb                          C
And sticks and stones might break your bones
    F         Gm         Dm  C  
But words can break your heart
    Bb                C
And if you don't know where to go
     F        Gm       Dm  C
I'll show you where to start


[Chorus]

F              Dm
Kill yourself, it'll only take a minute
C
You'll be happy that you did it
        Bb
Just go over to your oven

And shove your head in it
F               Dm
Kill yourself, really, you should do it
       C
There's really nothing to it
     Bb
Just grab a mug

And chug a cup of lighter fluid


[Verse 2]

F
I sound un-empathetic
Dm
I sound mean and rude
Bb
Suicide is an epidemic
C                         F
And I don't want to be misconstrued
                    Dm
Signs of depression go overlooked
      Bb
So if you're depressed
      C
Then you need to book
  Bb
A therapy session
        C
Talk about your depression
F     Gm           Dm   C
Let a professional hear it
     Bb               C
But if you search for moral wisdom
  F      Gm     Dm   C
in Katy Perry's lyrics, then


[Chorus 2]

F              Dm
Kill yourself, it won't be painful
C
If you are able
   Bb
To give a little kiss to an oncoming train, you'll
F              Dm
Kill yourself, it's over, mull it
C
There's a trigger, pull it
Bb
Get it through your head, "it" being a bullet


[Verse 3]

F
Stick your tongue in a plug
Dm
Suck a pipe of exhaust
Bb
Make some toast in the tub
C
Nail yourself to a cross
F
Hold your breath till it's gone
Dm
Drink a gallon of mace
Bb
Be gay in Iran
C
Let Oprah sit on your face


[Outro]

F
Jump off of a bridge
Dm
Skinny dip in a flood
Bb
Sky dive attached to a fridge
C
Drink a Haitian guy's blood
F
Break into the zoo
Dm
Give a tiger a shove
Bb
Eat a Phillips head screw
C                    F
Marry Courtney Love

Kill Yourself

Intro: Am, G, F, E (x2)


     Am                   G
Yo I don't got bros, dont hang on the streets
       F                    E
I dont beat my hoes, I only beat my meat.
Am                        G
Don't womanize 'cause you know it's true
              F                                  E
That when you look in their eyes you see they're people too
             Am      G      F      E
Mother effin suffrage
             Am      G      F      E
Mother effin suffrage!


    Am                      G
You know I'm a gangsta, you know I do coke,
      F                            E
But I had to go to diet, 'cause it burnt my throat.
Am                       G
I've been doin drive-bys all of my life,
          F                           E
'Cept the bullets are newspapers, the car is my BIKE!
Am      G      F      E
Yeah!
              Am      G      F      E
The car is my bike!


         Am   G
Yo yo yo 3.14 apple pi,
     F                              E                       Am
I'll whip it out, clean it off, and stick it in her eye.
                   G                F      E
And by "it" I mean contact lens...
              Am      G      F      E
Unless it got dirty


         Am   G
Yo yo yo 3.14 apple pi,
      F                          E
I got rhymes and flows that make Hitler cry.
Am                            G
George Bush won't, he'll just yell and rant
           F             E
But he's a PresiDONT who AmeriCANT
Am    G            F                E
Oh my God, that is good, the kid is good
  Am                G      F                E
I know, I know him, yup, I swear to God!


       Am                          G
I spit gangsta hymns, 'cause I'm a gangsta straight,
           F                   E
I think of 20 inch rims when I masturbate.
      Am                        G
We're gonna be late, there's no time to waste,
           F                           E                  Am
'Cause the girls that I date have a particular taste...
                G       F     E
The taste of my weiner
                Am      G     F     E
The taste of my weiner!


         Am   G
Yo yo yo 3.14 apple pi, 
    F                        E
Why was I born white? No one quite knows why.
Am                         G
Gansgsta sell their rocks, I got a collection
F                                E
You couldn't get a rise out of a yeast infection.


            Am                       G
Yo yo I'm a lyrical heretic but I'll make you laugh,
F                              E
Hit you with rhetoric, that'll cut you in half.
        Am                          G
I don't need to be a clown, I don't need to be nice,
     F                        E
How 'bout you sit down, and I serve you slice...


      Am   G           F                        E
Of my 3.14 apple pi my voice is so smokey it'll make you high
Am                        G
Here's a confession: it's all about me,
F                         E
Here's my impression of a broken jet ski.
Am                  G              F           
Buh duh da duh duh, da da da da da duh duh duh da da
E                Am    G     F     E
Fill me with gas!


Am                  G
Here come the puns, here come the puns
Am                  G
Here come the puns, here come the puns


Am                         G
All you little thugs wanna mess me with me?
          F                               E
Know that I've been doin' drugs since the age of 3.
  Am                         G
I took my cereal, stabbed it open with a knife,
F                           E
Snorted that shit and I got high on LIFE.


            Am                             G
Yo yo a guy asked me for change, saying my mind was too dense,
           F                       E
I said you won't make cents if you don't make sense. 

Yeah, big finale!


Am                                         G
You know I flow and show it, you know that Bo know it,
                 F                                E
You're lawn I'll mow it and grow it cause he's a sho' poet.
              Am                            G
Yo my rims be spinning I winning, like Adam I be sinning.
       F                              E
Potato skinnnin' and knittin' and separate those linens.
Am                     G
And in my eyes you see flies, and though you people tries
F                         E
Just to disguise all your lies, but baby I be wise.
Am                    G
You know I did it and shit it you brothers couldn't hit it,
F                            E                Am       G    F    E
Then you try to ride it, too late - I already spit it. 
          Am   G     F     E
I already spit it!

3.14 Apple Pi

Intro: Am G F E

Am                   G
Yo I don't got bros, don't hang on the streets
F                    E                     Am
I don't beat my hos, I only beat my meat.
                         G
Don't womanize cause you no it's true
              F                                E      
That when you look in their eyes you see their people too
             Am        G    F E   Am
Mother effin suffrage!
                            G
You know I'm a gangsta, you know I do coke,
                   F                       E         Am
But I had to go to diet, cause it burnt my throat.
                          G             
I've been doin drive-bys all of my life,
F                                               E
Cept the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

3.14 Apple Pie

[Intro]
F Am F Am Bb C


Dm                  Am    Bb
    Now the show is done
                   F             A                        Dm
I hope that you had gut-trembling or something resembling fun
                            Am
And if you watch this thing alone
    Bb                                               F                   A
You probably didn’t laugh, but maybe a few times you exhaled out of your nose
Dm                              Am
    But if you hated it, that’s fair
           Bb                                           F               C
But either way, could you find a little more time for a parting questionnaire?

F                              A       Bb
   On a scale from one to zero, are you happy?
F                                         A       Bb
   ‘Cause you’re on your own from here, so are you happy?
F                          A       Bb
   I’m open to suggestions, are you happy?
F                            Gm         A7     Bb
   But what the fuck kind of question is "Am I happy?"

  F                       A       Dm
I really wanna try to get happy
                         Bb
And I think that I could get it if I didn’t always
F                      A       Bb
Panic every time I’m unhappy like
              F
I’m owed some life
                        A
Where I’m always, like, happy
         Dm                            Bb
Which is stupid ‘cause I wouldn’t even want it if I got it
F                A       Bb        Bbm
Wait, oh god, my dad was right

F                                 A      Bb
   So if you know or ever knew how to be happy
F                                 A        Bb
   On a scale from one to two now, are you happy?
F                              A        Bb
   You’re everything you hated, are you happy?
F                          A        Bb
   Hey, look Ma, I made it, are you happy?

[Outro]
F Am F Am Bb C

Are You Happy

E        Ab   Dbm        A
 art is dead,    art is dead
E        Ab   Dbm        A
 art is dead,    art is dead
 
 
E             Ab                 Dbm
 entertainers like to seem complicated
    A               E
but we're not complicated
        Ab              Dbm
i can explain it pretty easily
          A             E                  Ab
have you ever been to a birthday party for children
               Dbm                 A
and one of the children won't stop screaming
                  E                 Ab
cause he's just a little attention attractor
              Dbm                 A
when he grows up to be a comic or actor
          E                   Ab
he'll be rewarded for never maturing
           Dbm               A
for never understanding or learning
           E             Ab
that every day can't be about him
              Dbm                 A
there's other people you selfish xxxxxxx
 
 
              E                  Ab
i must be psychotic, i must be demented
                   Dbm                 A
to think that i'm worthy of all this attention,
               E                       Ab
of all of this money you worked really hard for
           Dbm                           A
i slept in late while you worked at the drug store.
            E                Ab
my drug's attention, i am an addict
          Dbm                   A
but i get paid to indulge in my habit
              E                   Ab
it's all an illusion, i'm wearing make-up
            Dbm                  A
i'm wearing make-up, make-up, make-up, make-up
 
 
E        Ab        Dbm
 art is dead, so people think you're funny
A
how do you get those people's money?
E        Ab            Dbm
 art is dead, we're rolling in dough
       A                    E            Ab           Dbm       A
while Carlin rolls in his grave, in his grave, in his grave.
 
 
      E              Ab         Dbm            A
this show has got a budget, the show has got a budget
     E                  Ab                        Dbm          A
and all the poor people way more deserving of the money won't budge it
         E                 Ab            Dbm               A
cause i wanted my name in lights. when i could have fed a family of four
     E            Ab          Dbm           A
for forty xxxxing fortnights, forty xxxxing fortnights
 
 
i am an artist, please god forgive me
i am an artist, please don't revere me
i am an artist, please don't respect me
i am an artist, feel free to correct me
 
a self-centered artist, self-obsessed artist
i am an artist, i am an artist
 
 
               E               Ab              Dbm
but i'm just a kid, i'm just a kid, i'm just a kid, kid
    A
and maybe i'll grow out of it

INTRO:

E                D            A
Grab a seat have something to eat
                    D    E
Help yourself its alright
                           D    A
If you want a beer they're over here
                            E
But we only got Coor's light
                   D        A
Try a chip with my homemade dip
                    D    E
the stuff is out of sight
E                                D
Right before bed we'll shave your head
                           E
It's good to see you dressed in white


                 A       E    D
Cause its a Klan KooKout
E    A       E     D
Klan KooKout
E    A       E     D   
Klan KooKout
E           A    E     D   E
Klan KooKout


A            E D
 Heres my wife/sister
                        E 
 She brightens up my day
A                   E      
 She went away and i missed her
D                         E
 Cause my moms a lousy lay
A                E                             
 Don't hang with foreign fellows
D                      E
 It'll only be your loss
A                    E         
 Stay here and roast marshmallows,
D                 E
 By the burning cross


            A      E   D
At the Klan Kookout
E         A      E    D
Klan Kookout
E       A      E    D
Dans on lookout
       E    A      E     D    E
At the Klan Kookout


A             E  
 And if you're black
D                         E
 Don't wanna see your face
A                  E          D
 They're like high school track
                   E
 Just a stupid race
A             E
 We got a plan
D             E
 Kill all the Jews
A                 E
 Are you a Mexican
D                  E
 Cause you seem confused?
 senor...que? que? que? (kkk)

           A       E  D  E
Its a Klan Kookout
A           E   D   
Klan KooKout
            E                A       E    D    E
Mein Kampf? man, check that book out
            A       E    D   
at the Klan Kookout


E                       D   A                           D
 All men are created equal, man that shit gets me pissed 
E                    D       A                            D  
 Heres an idea for a sequel, someone loses Schindler's list
E          D      A                   D
 I cook i clean, cause im the hooded host
E                 D              E
 And on Halloween, i dress as a...slave owner!


A            E     
 We hate Hispanics
D                 E
 Hence the 20 foot walls
     A                         E     
 And all you goddamn dirty catholics
D                        E
 Can cath-o-lick my balls
A                        E     
 Ethnics give off weird aromas
D                      E 
 But what I can't understand
   A                         E
 Is why we need high school diplomas
D                 E
 With the bible in hand!


            A      E   D  
At the Klan KooKout
E    A      E   D
Klan Kookout
E    A      E   D
Klan Kookout
E    A      E   D    A
Klan Kookout 

Cookout

Verse: D , A , G

Pre Chorus: Bm , G , D , A , G

Chorus: D , A , G , Bm , A

[KEY CHANGE] CHORUS: E , B , A , Cm , B

D , A , G
INTRO
[Spoken] 
D
Instead of people actually telling their stories
A
You just got a bunch of millionaire metrosexuals that have never done a hard days work in their lives
G
But instead of just sort of figuring out the phrases and the words that they can pander into their crowd with
D
They just sort of list these words and phrases off
A
mad-lib style in every song and pander to them
G
Words like...

VERSE
[Sung]
D
Dirt road
Cold beer
A
Blue jeans
G
Red pickup
D
Rural noun, simple adjective
[Spoken]
A , G
And when you're not singing you just talk in the middle like this

D
No shoes
No shirt
A
No Jews
G
You didn't hear that
[Spoken]
D
You also didn't not hear it
A , G

PRE CHORUS
Bm
I walk and talk like a field hand
G
But the boots I'm wearing cost five grand
D                           A 
I write songs about riding tractors
          G
From the comfort of a private jet

CHORUS
D
I can sing in mandarin
A
And still know I'm pandering
G
Hunting deer and chasing trout
Bm                       A
Cold Bud Light with the logo facing out

D
Hear that subtle mandolin
A
That's textbook pandering
G                                    Bm
I own a private ranch that I rarely use
A

INTERLUDE
[Spoken]
D , A , G
One verse, one chorus in the bag
Now it's time to talk to the ladies
I am hoping my Southern charm offsets all these rape-y vibes I'm putting out

VERSE
[Sung]
D
Good girl
In a straw hat
A              G
With her arms out in a corn field
D , A , G
That's a scarecrow sorry. Thought that was a human woman. start that over again

D
Cold night
Cold beer
A
Cold jeans
G
Strike that last one
D
I want you
                       A
I hope you're feeling me
[Spoken]
                G                                 
Once again just talking in the middle

PRE CHORUS
Bm
We go to bed and you doze off
G
So I take your country girl clothes off
D
I put my hands on your body
A                          G
It feels like hay, it's a fucking scarecrow again

CHORUS
D
White mics and pampering
A
Fuck your ears I'm pandering
G
I write songs for the people who do
Bm                           A
Jobs in the towns that I've never moved to

D
Legalize gerrymandering
A
Tolerate my pandering
G
You got a beautiful mouth
                   Bm
I got a beautiful dick.
[Spoken]
                               A
You dumb motherfuckers want a key change?

[KEY CHANGE] CHORUS
E
Thematically meandering
B
phatically  pandering
A
I got a tight grip on my demo's balls
C#m                             B
Say the word "truck" and they jizz in their overalls

E
You don't know what land you're in
B
I'm in the land of pandering
A
And I'll be upfront
C#m                          B             E
I do what I do cause I'm a total fucking cun-try boy

Country Song

X = chuck

C B E E x24793272356 (I usually repeat 3x)

C
Fuck the rules
C
Fuck the game
B
Fuck you tools
B
Fuck you're lame
E
If giving a fuck means sucking up then fuck it, fuck the fame
C
A bit unstable, fuck you brain
B
A bit like Abel, fuck you Cain
E
Dumb little fuck, if I'm fucking something up then fuck my name

C
Fuck the politicians
B
Fuck missionary missions
E
Fuck beauty competitions
E
Fuck bigoted traditions
C
I fucking hate that shit I do
B
And if you don't fuck it, fuck you too,
E
Couldn't give a fuck who I'm talking to
E
Fucking who? Fuck you dude.
C
Fuck how I'm regarded,
B
Or if I get bombarded
E
By sick creationists
E
Who are borderline retarded

C
Yeah, fuck me for my hard works
B
Fuck another R-word
E                        E
Fuck me for my hard work that got me into Harvard
C
Man fuck it, fuck my past
B
Fuck the time fuck it fast
E
If you think I'm fucking with you
E
Then you're fucking with your fucking last

C
God bless you common cold
B
Fuck the pope, fucking old
E
If he loved the poor than he would have sold
X
His mansion made of solid gold

C
So fuck him, yeah, fuck it, fuck him
B
I said it, fuck it, fuck him
E
Gonna save the deacons, preachers
E
All them geezers, fucking fuck it
C
Fuck the fashion scene
   B
It is so fucking obscene
        E
It will take a poor fat teen chick and make her turn bulimic

C
Fuck the shit that I came for
B
And fuck the shit that I paid for
E
And the rappers that made a name for
E
Calling for a race war
C
Now go out and pimp their rides,
B
Buy, accessorize, 
E
And turn ten thousand bright eyes
X
To the company run by the white guys

C
You suck, you fucking suck, 
B
You suck so much you suck, fuck
E
If I sucked as much as you I'd motherfucking shut it up
C
You suck, you fucking suck it
B
So fucking shut it
X
Drop the beat, then pick it up like Mr. Bucket.

C                     G
You've got sticks and stones to turn to
B            Em
But I've got words to hurt you
C            G                     B
So save your bullets 'cause you're fucked
C                     G
You've got sticks and stones to turn to
B            Em
But I've got words to hurt you
C            G                     B     B #(let it ring)
So save your bullets 'cause you're fucked

       C, G, B, Em
You're fuuuuuuucked    
            C  G
(so fuck it, 
               B
so so so so fu- so so so so fuck it)

C                                G
You think you're clever? You're fucked!
                                 B
You think you're better? You're fucked!
                             Em                          C
If you've been better for forever, but whatever, you're fucked!
                           G
So, tell me never, you're fucked!
                         B
And tell whoever you're fucked!
                                                        C
And do whatever, say whatever, 'cause whatever, you're fucked!

C                                G
You think you're clever? You're fucked!
                                 B
You think you're better? You're fucked!
                             Em                          C
If you've been better for forever, but whatever, you're fucked!
                           G
So, tell me never, you're fucked!
                         B
And tell whoever you're fucked!
                                                      
And do whatever, say whatever, 'cause whatever, you're 
       C. G. B, Em
You`re fuuuuuuucked!

   C, G, B
So fuuuuucked
       C, G, B, Em   C  G
You're fuuuuuuucked

B
Totally
 C, G, B, Em (strum each once for cool ending effect)
fuuuuuuuucked

C                        F
Now I don't know if all boy scouts are gays
                Am                             G
But they could probably "tie the knot" in like fifty different ways...
          C                            F   
I got a safe full o' cherries, cause I pop it and lock it,
     Am                          G           
A girl's like a fridge, once a week you should stock it,
     C                                                 F  
And girl, if your into a rimmin its only safe if your swimming,
                Am                                G
And girl don't sit on the couch cause I treat my objects like women.
   C                F
I spit fire like I just blew a demon
     Am                      G       
My shits so hot I leave the toilet bowl steamin
C                                F
Girl I'm gonna tear it, like the cards of the gypsies
      Am                            G
You'll bleed for so long you'll get monthly ellipses.
        C                              F
If the pants are loose, girl I'll replete ya
          Am                       G
You're a first time vegan and its nice to meet ya
 
Chorus

  C
I'm bo yo
          F
And im the greatest rappa eva
         Am                                G
And I'll weather your weather whether you think im clever or not
                      C
Think your better your not
              F
Don't need a sweater im hot
      Am                     G
Im a real G shawty that can really find your g spot

I'm Bo Yo

F
Have you ever felt sad or lonely? 
Dm
Have you ever felt two feet tall?
Bb
Have you ever thought, "Man, if only
C
I was anybody else at all."
F 
They like to kick you
Dm
when times get rough
Bb
And you give your all
C 
But it's not enough


Bb                          C
And sticks and stones might break your bones
    F         Gm         Dm  C  
But words can break your heart
    Bb                C
And if you don't know where to go
     F        Gm       Dm  C
I'll show you where to start




F              Dm
Kill yourself, it'll only take a minute
C
You'll be happy that you did it
        Bb
Just go over to your oven

And shove your head in it
F               Dm
Kill yourself, really, you should do it
       C
There's really nothing to it
     Bb
Just grab a mug

And chug a cup of lighter fluid


F Dm Bb C


F
I sound un-empathetic
Dm
I sound mean and rude
Bb
Suicide is an epidemic
C                              F
And I don't want to be misconstrued
               Dm                Bb
Signs of depression go overlooked
                  C
So if you're depressed
     
Then you need to book
  Bb
A therapy session
        C
Talk about your depression
F     Gm           Dm   C
Let a professional hear it
     Bb               C
But if you search for moral wisdom
  F      Gm     Dm   C
in Katy Perry's lyrics, then



F              Dm
Kill yourself, it won't be painful
C
If you are able
   Bb
To give a little kiss to an oncoming train, you'll
F              Dm
Kill yourself, it's over, mull it
C
There's a trigger, pull it
Bb
Get it through your head, "it" being a bullet




F
Stick your tongue in a plug
Dm
Suck a pipe of exhaust
Bb
Make some toast in the tub
C
Nail yourself to a cross
F
Hold your breath till it's gone
Dm
Drink a gallon of mace
Bb
Be gay in Iran
C
Let Oprah sit on your face




F
Jump off of a bridge
Dm
Skinny dip in a flood
Bb
Sky dive attached to a fridge
C
Drink a Haitian guy's blood
F
Break into the zoo
Dm
Give a tiger a shove
Bb
Eat a Phillips head screw
C              F
Marry Courtney Love

Kill Youself

G                     C         D
Here he is our little Bundle of joy
G                      C    D
We did it honey it's a baby boy
G                                     C       D
We'll love him and raise him, till he finally leaves us
G                   C
What should we name him?
D         G
How about Adolf
G        C D
Little Adolf.

G                      C          D
He's growing up, like little boys do
G                              C    D
He's grown a mustache and he's only two
G                         C                  D
He's a pyrotechnic and he loves to play with knives
G                              C             D
And our little buddy gives the weirdest high fives

       G       C D
Little Adolf
       G       C D
Little Adolf
       G       C D
Little Adolf
       G       C D
Little Adolf

nc                 G C D
He's a dictator tot
           G C D
Dictator tot

G                               C             D
He gets a little bit angry, but he's smart as hell
G                               C         D
And who taught him how to speak German so well?
G                    D              D
He doesn't like milk soda hurts his head
G                          C               D
I tried to give him juice, this is what he said:

N.C.
"I hate juice, OK?"
"Ok, Hitler please drink your juice, I'm tired, I want to go to bed."
"Just, you know what? Get the juice out of here, out of this house, out of this country now."
"Hitler get the j... what do you want me to do with?" "Put the juice in camps and seperate them."
"Seperate juice? Hitler what you want me to do?, Seperate them by flavor?, By like concentration?"
"Concentration ehh?"
       G      C  D
Little Adolf
                G
He's a dictator tot.

Little Adolf

G - G7 - C - D

G                  G7                      C                D
  I love you like kings love queens, like a gay geneticist loves designer genes
G                     G7                           C                 D
  I need you like New Orleans needs a drought, like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out
G               G7              C             D
  And I want you, yeah, like a lawyer/mathematician wants some kind of proof
G               G7           C   D C D                      G
  And I want you, yeah, like JFK wanted a car with a roof...


         G         C                      Em                             D
  Because love is taking that dive, then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool
     G           C               Em                       D
  And love is a real life porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool
     G           C            Em                            D
  And love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain
     G           C                      Em                            D
  And finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate
     G                  C                Em                            D
  And even though he's heart broken, he can't complain because he was hungry in the first place...


G - G7 - C - D


         G                 G7                      C               D
  Because I love you like Dora loves maps, like the Pope's toilet loves "holy craps"
G                    G7                          C                          D                       
  I need you like a voyeur needs a branch, like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Neverland
  G      G7
 Ranch...
                                      C                                 D                   G
  And I want you, yeah, like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same, never want to conform
G7                     C         D C D   N/C                              G
  And I want you like Anne Frank wanted nobody to read her fucking diary!

  G
 "Because a diary is a collection of secret things that nobody's supposed to read,
  that's the whole point of a diary. Millions of people that have breached this little girls privacy
  after she was chased by Nazis - kick her while she's down..."


G7                       C          D
  And if we met in ten thousand BC, I was your caveman, you's my cavelady...
     G                                   G7
  If we got hot - we'd start rubbin', if we got hungry - we'd go clubbin'
C                                        D
  There's wooly mammoths, but I will protect us - you're making me devolve to a Homo Erectus
C                        D
  And if we met in 1780, I would be a white southern aristocratic plantation owner

  and you were my dark-skinned servant lady... (slave)


G                                              G7
  Whenever I could get away from the Missus, I go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses
C                                           D
  But let's be serious, I'd still work you full-time as a slave

  There's a difference between romantic language and complete disregard for socio economic trends...
C                 D
  If it was 1941, I was a Nazi, you's a Gypsy on the run - that's a little redundant
      G           G7                        C      D
  That probably wouldn't have worked out...


C    D   G              C                Em                D
  Because love is your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch and dinner
     G             C                  Em                      D
  And love is the Holocaust - if you don't die quick and you don't get thinner
     G         C                    Em             D
  And love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles
     G                  C                       Em                        D
  And even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape,
G                        C                               Em
  now you don't want to reduce it at all, 'cause if the rape rate declines
     D                             G             G7
  you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales...
C                    D                    G         G7
  Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistles?
C        D                     G
  Yeah, love is all about... whistles

Love Is...

E
You want a guy that's sweet
C#m
A guy that's tough
C#m
A feminist who likes to pay for stuff
A
The kinda guy that gets along with your friends
B
Without being attracted to any of them
E
A good boy, a bad boy, a good bad boy
C#m
A half good half bad half boy
A
Loves your brother sensitive but not weak and
B
Is a great lover calls your mother on the weekend
E                       A                               C#m                     
Then you might think that this guy only exists in your mind

Well guess what
B
You're right

[Chorus]
E
If you want love
C#m
Lower your expectations a few
A                                       B
Cause Prince Charming would never settle for you
E
If you want love
C#m
Just pick a guy and love him
A
And if he's got a thing for feet
B
Say fuck it, sweep me off them

[Verse]
E
You want a girl that's nice
C#m
A girl that's not
C#m
Obsessed with her looks but is insanely hot
A
The kinda girl that you can show to your folks
B
Loves the movies that you like and always laughs at your jokes
E
A real girl, a hot girl, a really hot girl
C#m
A brand new really hot real doll
A
Wants to impress you doesn't care if you notice
B
And only ever uses you to tickle her throat with

E                               A                       C#m
Then you might think that this girl only exists in your mind
B
She's real
But last week
She died

[Chorus]
E
If you want love
C#m
Lower your expectations a lot
A                                               B
You might think your dick is a gift I promise it's not
E
If you want love

C#m
Just pick a girl and love her
A
Then whip out your dick and let the
B
Girl you love decline the offer

E
I don't want a neat freak I don't want a slob
C#m
Or somebody with bedhead and a dead-end job
A
Cause I won't settle for less
B
Than perfect
E
Want perfect children, a perfect life
C#m
Perfect husband or a perfect wife
A
But deep down I know
B
I don't deserve it

[Mute]
But

E
We all deserve love
C#m
Even on the days when we aren't our best
A                       
Cause we all suck 
B
But love can make us suck less
E
We all deserve love
C#m
It's the very best part of being alive
A
And I would know
B
I'm almost twenty five

Lower Your Expectations

prelude
A-D-A-Em

Intro:
        A       D      A      Em
men and women

A            D    A   Em                     A        D      A      Em
men are like vows,      cause they are easily broken

A              D    A   Em                     A        D      A      Em
women are like cows,      cause they both have vaginas

A            D      A   Em                                A        D      A      Em
men are like muzzles ya,   cause they will try to shut you up

A              D            A                 Em                  A        D      A      Em
women are like puzzles cause prier to 1920 neither had the right to vote 

                 A        D      A      Em
puzzles still dont

A           D       A          Em
a man is an eagle a women is a dove

A              D         A                Em              
women can fake orgasims but men can fake love

A               D          A   Em                       A        D      A      Em
women are like fingers and toes,    cause there easy to count on

A            D           A    Em                        A        D      A      Em
men are like ravens and crows,   cause they hate using condoms

A              D      A    Em                A        D      A      Em
women are like yatzees,       cause i rarely get them

A                D     A    Em                         A           D        Em
and men are like nazis,        cause they both caused the holocaust

A       D              A                       Em                   
male stippers always look like there applying lotion

              A                         D                A                  Em
and female strippers when there dancing on the pole just look like confused firemen

               A A A Em A
men and women.

Learn to play "Bo Burnham" with online video lessons

Men And Women

INTRO: Em-C-G-D Em-C-D-G-D-G

G           D     
Everytime i go to dinner
G                          D          
it seems like im getting a little bit thinner
G                    D         
I'll sit down at the breakfast table
G               D          
i can talk, but theyre not able
G              D     
When i look at them i find
G                         D              
there's a single question on their mind.
G                              D      
i wish it could go back to the way it was
G		D	     Em
its not easy no because...
         C              G
My whole family thinks im gay
            D                G
i guess its always been that way.
          C                  G
Maybe its cause of the way i walk,
                D                   Em-C-G-D Em-C-D-G-D-G        
that makes them think that i like...boys

The goddamn question just wont go away
cause i get asked every single day
but the way they ask it is no disguise,
like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"
This is the worst, baby this was my fear
Now their opinions are crystal clear.

(...)

My Whole Family

G C Em D 
G C G  D

G 
C       Em     D         G
whats a pirate minus the ship? 

C      Em       D        G
just a creative homeless guy,

C      Em              D            G      C
and an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? 

   Em     D      G
an ironic way to die

C         Em      D       G              C   
and whats domain, domain, range (xxy) 

  Em           D           G     C
a kid with too much in his pants

        Em    D     G
and two balls minus one, 

C   Em            D       G
six titles at the tour de france.

G       C             Em   D        
split a decision with long division,

G        C                Em   D
take the circumference of your circumcision

G         C             Em              D
live like your data and when you're all "set"

G          C            Em           D 
put it all together and whatever you get.


       G    C Em D
is new math...
       G    C G  D
is new math...



whats a bag of chips divided by five, 

thats a nike worker's meal

and santa clause mutliplied by "i" 

well i guess that makes him real,

and the square root of the NBA

 is Africa in a box,

how do u trace a scatter plot? 

give the pencil to michael j fox.

take the approximate moral proportion 

of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion

live like your data, and when youre all "set"

put it all together and whatever you get...

is new math.

is new math.

and if you made a factor tree 

of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
 youd have a tree...

full of asian porn.

C-A-L-C-U-LATOR (see you later) 

mathetmatical minds make industrial smog.

and whats the opposite of lnx,

duraflame the unnatural log.

support the farmers with a pro-tractor,

link kennedy and lincoln with a common factor (fact, or)

live like ur data...blah blah

word problems

if theres a fat guy in a pastry shop 
with a twenty dollar bill and he's ready to buy,
in order to predict his volume change 
you need to know the value of pi (pie)
and theres a metal train that a mile long 
and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her,
how long til it reaches adn kills the driver, 
provided that he's a good conductor,
and if ten percent of men are gay and 
twenty percent of men are chinese, 
what are the odds that a men chosen at random 
spends his freetime and mealtime while on his knees
and if kim is half as old as bobby 
who is two years older then twelve year old tori,
for how many more 30 day months 
will their threesomes be considered statutory rape

cause havin sex is like quadratic expansion 
if it cant be split then its time to stop,
and havin sex is like doing fractions, 
its improper for the larger one to be on top,
and havin sex is like math homework, 
i do it best when i'm alone in my bed.
and squarin numbers are just like women, 
if theyre under thirteen just do them in your head....


and new math

New Math

E          A                    C#m   B
I've never written a book in my life
E                A
'Cause your tiny brains would never get it.
C#m                               B                                     A
Me compared to Shakespeare's like Shakespeare compared to Shakespeare's wife.
           B
I gave you everything, but
E                 C#m
I gave you simple minds so you made simple things.
A                  B
I gave you healthy birds, you made chicken wings.
E                 C#m
I gave you nipples, you made nipple rings.
E          A
You're not going to heaven.
C#m                          B
Why would you ever think I'd ever hang out with you?
E          A
You're all dicks, I don't need you.
C#m              B                  A   B
I know a million aliens cooler than you.

So, fuck you.


Refrain:

Here, the first two chords get four beats, but the G#m gets eight.

E              C#m    G#m
Oh my, I said, oh my, God.
E      C#m       G#m
Oh my, oh my, God.
    E                 C#m
I'm not gonna fix you.
    G#m
I'm not gonna fix you.
       E      C#m    G#m
I said oh my, oh my, God.


Verse 2:
E              A                       C#m   B
People give me money, but I don't know why.
E              A                      C#m       B                  A
'Cause my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
       B          E                          C#m                       A
I made every girl different, and they're all perfect just the way they are.
       B                        E               C#m
People tell them different, and people are smart.
                E
I just made the stars.
                   A
You think you know beauty and love.
C#m                          B
Trust me, you don't; I'm the one who created them.
E              A                      C#m                      B
You're overpopulated, so I slaved for days making gays and you ended up hating them.
A   B
Fuck youuuu!


[Repeat refrain]


Bridge:

Same chords as the refrain, just in a different rhythm.

E C#m G#m  x4

E              C#m                    Eb                       G#m
I created many beings, but you're the strangest that I've ever met.
E                        C#m                  Eb                    G#m
You think that you're my children, but you're more like an annoying pet.
    E                C#m           Eb                    G#m
The Messiah made the people wonder heavenly whether he's me,
            E           C#m              Eb                   G#m
But I'm not into saving people who might nail me to a fucking tree.
           E              C#m
You're all angry, crying, sad, and lost.
    Eb                G#m
You worship power and wealth.
    E                    C#m            Eb
The more that I watch you, the less I believe in myself.


Refrain:

This refrain ends a bit differently for the launch into the key change.

E              C#m    G#m
Oh my, I said, oh my, God.
E      C#m       G#m
Oh my, oh my, God.
    E                 C#m
I'm not gonna fix you.
    G#m
I'm not gonna fix you.
       E      C#m    A  B
I said oh my, oh my, God.


Verse 3:
F#                 B                     Ebm  C#
You're looking for answers that won't be found, no.
F#       B                      Ebm  C#
How many answers can a raindrop find before it hits the ground?
F#          B
You think I kill you people.
Ebm         C#                 F#
You ask me 'Why?' when a child dies.
            B                   Ebm           C#                     F#
Why would I kill someone when a hundred years passes when I blink my eyes?

B Ebm C# F#

Oh My God

Intro
G D Em C
G D C G

G             D
 She was the perfect woman
Em                C
 in every single way
G              D
 she made the sun shine brighter
C                      G
 and all my cares go away

G             D
 She was the perfect woman
Em                   C
 she was a gourmet chef
G               D
 they say that love is blind
C                  G        G
 well, it's allso death

                          D
Cuz Helen Keller was the perfect woman
Em                C
 and noone understands
G          D
 just how talented
C                  G
 she was with her hands

G                 D
God made her the perfect woman
Em                    C
 I was the finishing touch
G             D
 she was the perfect woman
C                   G
 she didnt talk so much

G              D
she wanted to name the kids
Em             C
 so I finally let her
G               D
 it turned out horrible
C                     G
 she could have done better

G                  D
but i guess it was allright
Em                   C
 we had a boy and a girl
G             D
 just me and Helen
C        G
Arhar and Earl

G                       D
Cuz Helen Keller was a miricorker(??)
Em                C
 I was a oneman show
G             D
 I could walk around the house naked
C                    G
 she wouldn't even know

G                    D
Helen Keller was my perfect woman
Em               C
 i was her only need
G                     D
 she didn't mind the sits on my ass
                     G
it gave her more to read


Gave her more to read     |
                          |
it gave her more to read  |
                          |I give up here... somehing like
it gave her more to read  |G C Em D
                          |G C Em D G
it gave her more to read  |Listen the original
                          |
more to read              |
                          |
more to read              |


red moise and ivy

she read acney

she read her bees

she read it all

she read goosebumbs

she read blisters

even read a basketball

G                    D
Helen Keller was my perfect woman
Em                    C
but i dont think she cared
G              D
I played this song for her
C                        G
she just sad there and stared

G                 D
she was still my perfect woman
Em               C
i was sort of a mess
G               D
i asked her to mary me
            C  G
she said "yeaoheh!"



Perfect Woman

C                  F
I met a homeless man named Rich
C          G
Isn't that terrible?
         C               F
I saw a flyer for a lost dog
        Am                    Em
And the dog didn't have any legs
         C        F    Am     G
I saw a diabetic kid trick-or-treating
    C              F
I saw a giraffe who had a short neck
Am           G
That was sad, or a deer

E        F           C        G
I saw an old man get hit by a train
          E                      F
He didn't see it in the pouring rain                                          
           C                                G         E
He didn't hear me shout, "Look out for the train!"

Because I didn't say anything.

C     F    C/G    Em
C     F        C/G         Em
I just thought to myself, "Ooh, this is gonna be sad."
C     F    C/G    Em     
           And it was.
C     F    C/G    Em
      I'm a genius.

        C                       F
I saw a man with only one eye
C       G
In a 3D movie
        C                         F
I saw a little boy drop his ice cream cone
Am                           Em
Directly on his mother's corpse
        C                  F
I saw a kitten stuck in a tree
         Am                       G
Then the kitten jumped off and he hung himself
          C            F       Am      G
I saw a boy who had red hair.


E           F                 C            G
I went to a store looking for something to buy
                     E                        F
But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy
    C                      G
No, wait--this store sells mirrors! 
           E
See what I did there?
               C     Em    F    Fm
Let's rock! No.

C   Em   F   Fm
C   Em   F   Fm    (repeat through spoken section until...

C   Em   F   G      the last chord progression of spoken         
                    section, ending with the G on "I'm a 
                    sociopath!".)

SPOKEN:
The world's so sad, bros. Pain, genocide, war, sexism, racism. 
But I've gotta remember there's good things about it too. 
Like the fact that none of that's happening to me! Score! Still, 
though, it's hard not to be sad about it. How do y'all do it? I've 
been telling you guys terribly sad things this whole song; you 
haven't been sad at all. You've been--you've been happy--no, 
you've been laughing. That's it, laughter, it's the key to everything. 
It's the way to solve all the sadness in the world! I mean not for the 
people that are actually sad, but the people like us that've gotta 
fucking deal with them all the time. Being a comedian isn't being 
an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses 
of the public; it's being a hero. The world isn't sad. The world's 
funny! I'm a sociopath!

         C                 F
I saw an old man slip and fall
Am                  G
Hey, what a fucking idiot
        C                       F
I saw a woman at her daughter's funeral
Am        G
Ha ha ha. Classic comedy.
C                        F
Everything that once was sad
Am         G
Is somehow funny now
     C            F
The Holocaust and 9/11
Am                G
That shit's funny 24/7, cuz
E                  F         C      G
Tragedy will be exclusively joked about
            E                    F      C
Because my empathy is bumming me out
          G        E
Goodbye, sadness
          C     F    C/G   Em    C
Hello jokes.

[Verse 1]

D        Bm              A         G

Walking around, I've got no one to talk to

D           Bm           A          G

There's everyone, and then there's just me

D          Bm                A              G

If I could change, don't you think that I'd do it

D        Bm            A          G

God only knows why he cursed me to be

  Gm

a straight white male

[Bridge]

Bm

I state my problems

      F#               G

other people roll their eyes

Bm

Three trips to the mall

         F#         G

and zero khakis in my size

Bm

I've never been the victim

      F#               G

of a random search for drugs

    D                 Bm

But you can't say my life is easy

 G                    A          D

until you've walked a mile in my UGGs



[Chorus]

G        A     D                G          A       D

Straight white male, I know the road looks tough ahead

F#

The women want rights

    Bm         G

The gays want kids

Gm

Can't you just leave us alone?

And also, no, to the things you asked for



D  Bm  A  G

D  Bm  A  G  Gm



[Verse 2]

D          Bm             A       G

Everyone thinks that I've got it easy

D                Bm            A              G

Just 'cause it's true, doesn't mean that it's right

D             Bm        A              G

So pull up a chair, and put down your pitchfork

D          Bm                A          G
Give me a chance to show you what it's like

        Gm

to be a straight white male


[Bridge 2]
Bm 

The churches never made me
     F#            G

Feel ashamed of who I am
Bm

But I get e-mails from Netflix
            F#              G

that g-mail doesn't mark as spam
Bm

My country's Constitution was
     F#            G

hand-written by my race
        D                 Bm

But my wife bought me the brand new iPhone
G       A            D

with an iPod Touch's case (it doesn't fit that phone)


[Chorus]
G        A     D                G          A       D

Straight white male, I know the road looks tough ahead
F#

The women want rights
    Bm          G

The blacks want not to be called the blacks

Gm

Can't you just leave us alone?

     F#

And also, no, to the things you asked for

Nooooooo


G  F#  Bm (x6)



[Chorus]


G         A    D                 G          A     D

Straight white male, I know the road looks tough ahead

    F#

The women want rights

     Bm           G

The African-Ameri-it doesn't work for the rhythm of this song

   Gm

We used to have all the money and land

We still do but it's not as fun now

Straight White Male

Intro

D  G  Bm  A



D          G                Bm  A            D    G  Bm A     
I used to walk through life,         now I frolic.
D                         G         
Youtube has been like a father to me,
           Bm     A            D   G  Bm  A
Except Youtube's not an alcholic.
D                            G                      
Before Youtube I was just a skinny white kid,
                      Bm         A
that thought he was funnier, & cooler
                     D  G  Bm  A
than he actually was.
     D                  G
and now not much has changed,
   Bm        A                D  G  Bm  A
but I have a shitload of money.

          Bm                    G                       A   
Because Youtube is a place for people to share their ideas.
Bm                           
If by people you mean
 G               
13-year-old girls,
         A
and by ideas you mean
                  A
how they love the Jonas Brothers.
 Bm
I'm just kidding
     G
But let's be honest,
                      A
that's a hefty majority.
         Bm              G
And if you don't believe me
  D             A
You must be a noob

Chorus
A                     D
So, Welcome to Youtube!
            G
You don't know what you're missing,
      Bm
and just by searching,
    A
"Women Kissing".
         D
-It's Youtube!
        G
This country's been needing a
  Bm
generation of kids who
        A
don't waste their time reading.
 G
Am I the only one who thinks that
             A
Lisa Nova's hot?
                       D  G  Bm  A
And Chris Crocker's not...
          D  G  Bm  A
he's hotter.

D                 G
Most of the best Youtubers
           Bm              A
are either asian or their gay.
         D
So if there's an untapped
         G
youtube celebrity,
       Bm                 A
and his name is George Takei
        D
and your favorite coat
        G
has a doo-doo stain.
    Bm
I pray to god that it's
A
chocolate rain
    D
And I find videos of
 G                 Bm    A      D  G  Bm  A
babies laughing a bit intrusive.

D                     G                          A
Because Barack Obama won the election because of Youtube
        D        G 
Wait, did I say youtube?
            A
I meant the black vote
             D           G
And I think Youtube and Fred are
  A
"So Cool!"
     D
And What The Buck!
        G     Bm         A
will be back in a jiffy lube

A                    D  G
So, Welcome to Youtube!
 A
Yeah...
A                  D
So, Welcome to Youtube!
G      A
Hey...
A                D
Welcome to Youtube!
D          G
I said, listen and linger,
 Bm                  A
Charlie the Unicorn bit my finger!
            D
It's youtube!
      G
The impact is evident.
      Bm                       A
Miss Teen South Carolina just ran for Vice President!
     D
Upload a video,
G                      A
You have nothing to lose!
                       D  G  Bm  
except all your friends...
         A                   D  G  Bm  A
& the approval of your parents..

 D                 G
"Hi, my Mary, and I'm 19 years-old
        Bm                             A
I got drunk at a party, and I think someone
                       
was video-taping it, but I don't want
 D
anyone to see it, cuz
 G                   A
I showed half of my boob!"

Sorry Mary!--

A                 D  G  Bm  A
Welcome to Youtube!
                    D  G  Bm  A
Say Hello to Youtube!

Yeah... 
                           D              Bm  A
Say goodbye to your College Scholarship.
     Bm                                      A
And it will keep on going and it'll never stop!
                    D
Until it's privatized.

Welcome To Youtube

C   
Jaja, okay okay
                  F
Ya sé qué pasa aquí
   A#                            C
Encuentras la grandeza frente a ti
             C
Y no sabes bien qué sentir
       F            A#                      C
Es adorable, que jamás los humanitos cambiarán
           C       F
Despierta ya, oye bien, 
           A#                   C
este como ves es Maui, de verdad
             C                F
Sé que como yo no encuentras dos
        A#          C
Lo que miras es un semi Dios

[Coro 1]
Am         F           C
  Yo solo sé decir de nada
        E7               Am
Por el mar, el cielo, el sol
                F            C
No hay de que agradecer, de nada
     E7                    C
Soy sólo un ordinario semi yo

[Estrofa 2]
C                                F  
Hey, ¿qué fortachón el cielo elevó?
                        A#
Cuando eras de esta altura, éste
C                  C
  Si la noche enfrió, 
                  F
¿quién fue quien fuego te llevó?
       A#          
¿Qué, alguien me nombró? 
C              C       F
  Oh, yo sólo lazo el sol
          A#                    C
De nada, para estirar tu diversión
          C       F
Brisa yo hago soplar, de nada, 
   A#           C
y así tus velas elevar

[Coro 2]
Am        F            C
  Yo sólo sé decir de nada, 
        E7                  Am
por las islas que traje del mar
              F                  C
No ruegues jamás, nunca más, de nada
         E7                     Am
¡Ha! Genial es mi manera de servir, 
    F
de nada, 
    C
de nada

[Parte Rap]
C
De nada dudes ya
Hey, honestamente te explicaré 
de natural modo cada fenómeno
El mar, el sol, el gas, 
oh, ese es Maui hablando de más
Anguilas que, yo las enterré, 
de la palmera los cocos creé
Un consejo, una lección te doy
No me molestes si en mi descanso estoy
Am
  El tapiz que en mi piel se ve, 
F
  es el mapa de lo que gané
C
  Por donde fui provoqué mil sucesos
E7
  Ve al pequeñín mini Maui nomás zapateando,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ¡Hey!

[Coro 3]
Am          F              C
  Yo sólo puedo decir, de nada (de nada)
           E7              Am
Por el mundo especial que doy
                 F           C
No hay de que agradecer, de nada (de nada)
    E7                     Am
De nada hablaré, que ya me voy
          F            C
Te toca a ti decir de nada (de nada)
       E7             Am
Pues quiero esa barca ya
             F          C
Muy lejos navegaré, de nada (de nada)
       E7               Am
Pues Maui nada sabe de nadar
              F                 C  F C
(De nada) De nada (De nada) de nada
         C
Y gracias

De Nada

G      Em
I found a love for me
               C                         D
Darling just dive right in, and follow my lead
                G                 Em
Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet
          C                                  D
I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

                                 G
Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
              Em                     C               G  D
Not knowing what it was, I will not give you up this ti-ime
                   G                         Em
But darling just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
             C                  D
And in your eyes you’re holding mine

       Em   C            G          D              Em
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
C                G     D                Em
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
          C                G                 D              Em
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
         C                G        D             
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight

               G                    Em
Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
                C                                        D
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home
           G             Em
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
         C                              D
To carry love, to carry children of our own

                              G                     Em 
We are still kids, but we’re so in love, fighting against all odds
                  C               G  D
I know that we’ll be alright this ti-ime
               G                            Em 
Darling just hold my hand, be my girl, I’ll be your man
          C              D
I see my future in your eyes



       Em   C            G          D              Em
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
C                G     D                Em
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
          C                G                 D               Em
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
         C                G        D             
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight

G Em C D 


       Em     C            G          D              Em
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
C                G     D                Em
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
          C                G                 D               Em
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
         C                G        D             
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight


Perfect

BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP


C         G
Baa, baa, black sheep,
F            C
Have you any wool?

F        C
Yes sir, yes sir,
G          C
Three bags full.

C           G
One for the master,
F           C
One for the dame,

F               C
And one for the little boy
G                  C
Who lives down the lane.

Baa Baa Black Sheep

Intro (2X):
Am	G	F	C

Verse 1:
                C	               Am		
There's so much craziness surrounding me
                F	 	             G		            
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
     Am     F		                          C
When all my faith has gone you bring it back to me
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me

             C	             Am		
When I'm not sure of my priorities
               F	 	             G		
When I've lost sight of where I meant to be
     Am   F		            C
Like holy water washing over me 
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me

Chorus:
    G	    Am	   F	             C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am	              F	           C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am	         F	               C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am	         G	       F   C
Cause you make it real for me 

Verse 2:
          C	                   Am		
When my head is strong but my heart is weak
              F	 	          G		
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
     Am      F				                          C
When I can't find the words you teach my heart to speak
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me yeah

Chorus:
    G	    Am	   F	             C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am	              F	           C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am	         F	               C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am	         G	       F   C
Cause you make it real for me 

Bridge:
G                           F                 C
    Everybody’s talking in words I don't understand
G                                    F              C
    You got to be the only one who knows just who I am
Em                                    F	
    You’re shining in the distance I hope I can make it through
           D	                              G                                    
Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you 


Verse 3:
                 C	             Am		
I guess there's so much more I have to learn
               F	 	                       G		
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn
        Am         F		                   C
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run
Am	            G	       F   C
   You make it real for me 

Chorus:
    G	    Am	   F	             C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am	              F	           C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am	         F	               C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am	         G	       F   C
Cause you make it real for me 
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me

You Make It Real

G         Em		  
1) Almost heaven,   West Virginia,
2) All my mem'ries, gather round her, 

   D			 C                G
1) Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah       River.
2) miner's lady,         stranger to blue water.

                      Em  
1) Life is old there, older than the trees, 
2) Dark and dusty,    painted on the sky, 

   D
1) younger than the mountains
2) misty taste of moonshine

   C			G
1) growin' like a breeze.
2) teardrop in my eye.

              G              D            Em        C
       Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong.
	      G               D              C            G
     West Virginia, Mountain momma, take me home Country roads


           Em       D            G 
 	I hear her voice in the morning hour she calls me,
            C        G              D 
        the radio reminds her of my home far away
            Em               D            C
        and driving down the road I get a feeling 
 	       G                     D          D7    G
        that I should have been home yesterday, yesterday.

Country Roads

Am      C              F              C
I had a dream, we were sipping whisky neat
        F              C                 G
Highest floor, the Bowery, and nowhere’s high enough
    Am              C                F             C
Somewhere along the lines, we stopped seeing eye to eye
         F               C           G
You were staying out all night and I had enough


      F           Am             F                    C       
No, I don't wanna know where you been or where you're goin’
      F               Am                 G
But I know I won't be home and you'll be on your own


            F                    C                G
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?
            F                 C                 G
Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep?
             F                C               G         E7   Am
Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?
             F                    C                G
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning, it ain’t me


Am        C              G         F   
Ow-ow, ah-ah the Bowery, ow-ow, ah-ah whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F         C              Am        G
Ow-ow, ah-ah the Bowery, ow-ow, ah-ah whiskey neat
F           C       G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F      C           Am     G
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
F           C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)


Am  C  Am       C              F           C
       I had a dream, we were back to seventeen
       F                   C            G
Summer nights and the Libertines, never growing up
Am             C          F                 C
I'll take with me the polaroids and the memories
        F              C                G
But you know I'm gonna leave behind the worst of us


             F                    C                G
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?
             F                 C                 G
Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep?
             F                C               G         E7   Am
Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?
             F                    C                G               
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning

         F      C     G
It ain’t me, no-o, no-o
         F      C     G
It ain’t me, no-o, no-o
         F      C     G  E7  Am
It ain’t me, no-o, no-o
             F                    C                G                
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning, it ain’t me


Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F      C           Am     G
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
F           C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F      C           Am     G
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
F           C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F            C           Am           G
No no, no no no, Bowery, no no, no no no, whiskey neat
F           C       G                     Am
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I, it ain’t me

It Ain't Me

Intro/Verse
A|--4--1--3--6---------------------------------------------------|
E|--------1--4---------------------------------------------------|
C|--8--5---------------------------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------------------------------|

Chorus
A|--1--4--4--4--6------------------------------------------------|
E|--------2-----4------------------------------------------------|
C|--5--8-----8---------------------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------------------------------|

Solo
A|--8-8-8-8-8-9-6-6-8-9-I----------8-------------------------------|
E|-------------------------9-9-9-9---4-4-4-------------------------|
D|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
G|-----------------------------------------------------------------|

A|--8-8-8-8-8-9-6-6-8-9-I------------------------------------------|
E|---------------------------9-9-9-9-------------------------------|
D|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
G|-----------------------------------------------------------------|

School Friends

S                     S        
A|-------------------------------------| 
E|--6------6-6---3-------------------1-| 
C|-------------5---5-------------------| 
G|-------------------------------------| 
                                                              
A|----------------------------------------------------------| 
E|--1--1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1------------------------------| 
C|-----4-4-4-4-3-3-3-3-2-2-2-2------------------------------| 
G|----------------------------------------------------------| 

A|-----5--8--10--8--5--|--8-12--------12--|----5-8-10-8-5-------| 
E|--6------------------|------------------|--6------------------| 
C|---------------------|------------------|---------------------| 
G|---------------------|-------5--7-5-----|---------------------| 
     S      S      S      S            
A|----------------7------7-8----8---| 
E|--5-6----5-6------1----5-6----6---| 
C|--4-5------2------2-----------2---| 
G|---------6------6-----------------|

King Creole

Verse 1:
G                                    Em        G        Em
There was a girl who lived in London town.
G                                 Em                   G      Em
The scenes and sounds, they would only bring her down
C                                   D
She had polkadots and rubies in her dreams,
C                   D
French fantasies on cinema screens...
        C             G/B    Am     G
And she knew from the finish to the start
C      G/B      Am   G
It was bound to fall apart
C         G/B     Am   Em
Thanks to Cupid's lazy dart.
Em                                D
Wouldn't it be sweet if she could die from a broken heart?

G     Em      G      Em

Verse 2: (the same chords)
There was a boy who lived inside his head.
He couldn't face the world, so he turned his back instead.
He couldn't see in front of his eyes;
His fantasies of outlaws had him hypnotised...

And he knew from the finish to the start
It was bound to fall apart
Thanks to Cupid's lazy dart.                        F
Wouldn't it be sweet if he could die from a broken heart?

   C              G           F
Behold his golden wings
       C              G         F
And behold his bronze bow.
                 C             G         F
Can you hear his silver arrows sing?
       C               G     
As his gaylied favours glow.

(then go back to the normal verse bit)

There was a boy and girl who fell in love:
They both were in love with the stars and sky above,
Cinderella, cigarettes and scenes from the past
Were chasing them too fast for this love to ever last...

And they knew from the finish to the start
It was bound to fall apart
Thanks to Cupid's lazy dart.                         F
Wouldn't it be sweet if they could die from a broken heart? 

C   G    F    C    G

Repeat F  C  G until the end. End on G.

Arrows Of Eros

Am
There's a sadness all around us
          F                         C
There are words we're too afraid to say
                                        Am
The things that I thought would last forever
    F              G
Are changing every day

          Am
There's a hunger can't be satisfied
        F                       C
And the streets are filled with rage
C                       Am
It's time to dig deep inside ourselves
F                       G
And face the life we've made

Am
It's gonna take two of us
C                           Am
Ijust can't do it all on my own
F				  C
I see the day gettin' brighter
G                    F
Hold me a little bit tighter

C                      Am      F
Out of the darkness in hand in hand
     Am               F        G
Baby together we will make our stand
C                             Am      F
Reach out and touch me we can win somehow
       Am              F                G
I know there's nothing that can stop us now
F              Am                 G   C
Oh, baby, come with me out of the darkness

...

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