Jeff Dunham is a ventriloquist and stand-up comedian. He has performed on numerous comedy shows including Comedy Central Presents in 2003. Some of his usual puppets include a woozle named Peanut, a bitter old man named Walter, and José Jalapeño - a talking jalapeño pepper on a stick. His latest DVD, Jeff Dunham: Arguing With Myself, was released in April 2006. In this stand-up offering, Jeff opens his show playing straight-man to his usual crew and includes four recently added characters. Sweet Daddy D, Bubba J, Melvin the Superhero Guy, and Achmed the Dead Terrorist. 

G                                                    C
Rushing through the sand, with a bomb strapped to my back
Am                       D7               G
I have a nasty plan, for Christmas in the Iraq
  C
I got through checkpoint A, but not through checkpoint B
       Am          G                      D7        G   D7
That's when I got shot in the ass by the U.S. military, OH!

CHORUS

G
Jingle bombs, jingle bombs mine blew up you see
C                 G                A7             D7
Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me
G
Jingle bombs, jingle bombs your soldiers shot me dead
C                   G
The only thing that I have left is this towel upon my head



G		                         C
I used to be a man, but every time I cough
Am              D7                         G
Thanks to uncle Sam my nuts keep falling off
                                              C
My bombing days are done, I need to find some work
   Am                    G              D7                  G      D7
Perhaps it would be much safer as a convenience store night clerk, OH!


G
Jingle bombs, jingle bombs I think I got screwed
      C             G                D7  D    G  
Don't laugh at me because I'm dead or I kill you!

Jingle Bombs

C   
Jaja, okay okay
                  F
Ya sé qué pasa aquí
   A#                            C
Encuentras la grandeza frente a ti
             C
Y no sabes bien qué sentir
       F            A#                      C
Es adorable, que jamás los humanitos cambiarán
           C       F
Despierta ya, oye bien, 
           A#                   C
este como ves es Maui, de verdad
             C                F
Sé que como yo no encuentras dos
        A#          C
Lo que miras es un semi Dios

[Coro 1]
Am         F           C
  Yo solo sé decir de nada
        E7               Am
Por el mar, el cielo, el sol
                F            C
No hay de que agradecer, de nada
     E7                    C
Soy sólo un ordinario semi yo

[Estrofa 2]
C                                F  
Hey, ¿qué fortachón el cielo elevó?
                        A#
Cuando eras de esta altura, éste
C                  C
  Si la noche enfrió, 
                  F
¿quién fue quien fuego te llevó?
       A#          
¿Qué, alguien me nombró? 
C              C       F
  Oh, yo sólo lazo el sol
          A#                    C
De nada, para estirar tu diversión
          C       F
Brisa yo hago soplar, de nada, 
   A#           C
y así tus velas elevar

[Coro 2]
Am        F            C
  Yo sólo sé decir de nada, 
        E7                  Am
por las islas que traje del mar
              F                  C
No ruegues jamás, nunca más, de nada
         E7                     Am
¡Ha! Genial es mi manera de servir, 
    F
de nada, 
    C
de nada

[Parte Rap]
C
De nada dudes ya
Hey, honestamente te explicaré 
de natural modo cada fenómeno
El mar, el sol, el gas, 
oh, ese es Maui hablando de más
Anguilas que, yo las enterré, 
de la palmera los cocos creé
Un consejo, una lección te doy
No me molestes si en mi descanso estoy
Am
  El tapiz que en mi piel se ve, 
F
  es el mapa de lo que gané
C
  Por donde fui provoqué mil sucesos
E7
  Ve al pequeñín mini Maui nomás zapateando,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ¡Hey!

[Coro 3]
Am          F              C
  Yo sólo puedo decir, de nada (de nada)
           E7              Am
Por el mundo especial que doy
                 F           C
No hay de que agradecer, de nada (de nada)
    E7                     Am
De nada hablaré, que ya me voy
          F            C
Te toca a ti decir de nada (de nada)
       E7             Am
Pues quiero esa barca ya
             F          C
Muy lejos navegaré, de nada (de nada)
       E7               Am
Pues Maui nada sabe de nadar
              F                 C  F C
(De nada) De nada (De nada) de nada
         C
Y gracias

De Nada

G         Em		  
1) Almost heaven,   West Virginia,
2) All my mem'ries, gather round her, 

   D			 C                G
1) Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah       River.
2) miner's lady,         stranger to blue water.

                      Em  
1) Life is old there, older than the trees, 
2) Dark and dusty,    painted on the sky, 

   D
1) younger than the mountains
2) misty taste of moonshine

   C			G
1) growin' like a breeze.
2) teardrop in my eye.

              G              D            Em        C
       Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong.
	      G               D              C            G
     West Virginia, Mountain momma, take me home Country roads


           Em       D            G 
 	I hear her voice in the morning hour she calls me,
            C        G              D 
        the radio reminds her of my home far away
            Em               D            C
        and driving down the road I get a feeling 
 	       G                     D          D7    G
        that I should have been home yesterday, yesterday.

Country Roads

G      Em
I found a love for me
               C                         D
Darling just dive right in, and follow my lead
                G                 Em
Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet
          C                                  D
I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

                                 G
Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
              Em                     C               G  D
Not knowing what it was, I will not give you up this ti-ime
                   G                         Em
But darling just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
             C                  D
And in your eyes you’re holding mine

       Em   C            G          D              Em
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
C                G     D                Em
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
          C                G                 D              Em
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
         C                G        D             
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight

               G                    Em
Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
                C                                        D
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home
           G             Em
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
         C                              D
To carry love, to carry children of our own

                              G                     Em 
We are still kids, but we’re so in love, fighting against all odds
                  C               G  D
I know that we’ll be alright this ti-ime
               G                            Em 
Darling just hold my hand, be my girl, I’ll be your man
          C              D
I see my future in your eyes



       Em   C            G          D              Em
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
C                G     D                Em
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
          C                G                 D               Em
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
         C                G        D             
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight

G Em C D 


       Em     C            G          D              Em
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
C                G     D                Em
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
          C                G                 D               Em
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
         C                G        D             
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight


Perfect

BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP


C         G
Baa, baa, black sheep,
F            C
Have you any wool?

F        C
Yes sir, yes sir,
G          C
Three bags full.

C           G
One for the master,
F           C
One for the dame,

F               C
And one for the little boy
G                  C
Who lives down the lane.

Baa Baa Black Sheep

Intro (2X):
Am	G	F	C

Verse 1:
                C	               Am		
There's so much craziness surrounding me
                F	 	             G		            
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
     Am     F		                          C
When all my faith has gone you bring it back to me
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me

             C	             Am		
When I'm not sure of my priorities
               F	 	             G		
When I've lost sight of where I meant to be
     Am   F		            C
Like holy water washing over me 
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me

Chorus:
    G	    Am	   F	             C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am	              F	           C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am	         F	               C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am	         G	       F   C
Cause you make it real for me 

Verse 2:
          C	                   Am		
When my head is strong but my heart is weak
              F	 	          G		
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
     Am      F				                          C
When I can't find the words you teach my heart to speak
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me yeah

Chorus:
    G	    Am	   F	             C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am	              F	           C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am	         F	               C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am	         G	       F   C
Cause you make it real for me 

Bridge:
G                           F                 C
    Everybody’s talking in words I don't understand
G                                    F              C
    You got to be the only one who knows just who I am
Em                                    F	
    You’re shining in the distance I hope I can make it through
           D	                              G                                    
Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you 


Verse 3:
                 C	             Am		
I guess there's so much more I have to learn
               F	 	                       G		
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn
        Am         F		                   C
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run
Am	            G	       F   C
   You make it real for me 

Chorus:
    G	    Am	   F	             C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am	              F	           C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am	         F	               C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am	         G	       F   C
Cause you make it real for me 
Am	         G	       F   C
You make it real for me

You Make It Real

LA RE
Jo et duré a casa si fa mal temps
MI FA#m
Jo t’empararé si un cas tens por
SIm MI
Jo te cuidaré si estàs malalta
RE LA
De tot cor, de tot cor
RE REm LA
De tot cor

MI RE DO#m-SIm-LA

FA#m DO#m
Estic a punt d’anar-me’n
RE LA RE
Mes abans de partir et diré
REm LA
Que et duc dins es pensament

FA#m DO#m
No deix de recordar-te
RE LA RE
I alen els teus alens tot calents
REm SIm MI
De lluny i de prop me tens


Jo et duré...

FA#m DO#m
I a dalt de s’escenari
RE LA RE
Quan estic concentrat cantant
REm MI
Jo sempre te tenc present

FA#m DO#m
Perquè m’ets necessari
RE LA
Com s’aire que respir
RE REm SIm MI
Necessit estar amb tu en tot moment


Jo et duré... ( bis )

De tot cor

Intro/Verse
A|--4--1--3--6---------------------------------------------------|
E|--------1--4---------------------------------------------------|
C|--8--5---------------------------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------------------------------|

Chorus
A|--1--4--4--4--6------------------------------------------------|
E|--------2-----4------------------------------------------------|
C|--5--8-----8---------------------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------------------------------|

Solo
A|--8-8-8-8-8-9-6-6-8-9-I----------8-------------------------------|
E|-------------------------9-9-9-9---4-4-4-------------------------|
D|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
G|-----------------------------------------------------------------|

A|--8-8-8-8-8-9-6-6-8-9-I------------------------------------------|
E|---------------------------9-9-9-9-------------------------------|
D|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
G|-----------------------------------------------------------------|

School Friends

Am      C              F              C
I had a dream, we were sipping whisky neat
        F              C                 G
Highest floor, the Bowery, and nowhere’s high enough
    Am              C                F             C
Somewhere along the lines, we stopped seeing eye to eye
         F               C           G
You were staying out all night and I had enough


      F           Am             F                    C       
No, I don't wanna know where you been or where you're goin’
      F               Am                 G
But I know I won't be home and you'll be on your own


            F                    C                G
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?
            F                 C                 G
Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep?
             F                C               G         E7   Am
Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?
             F                    C                G
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning, it ain’t me


Am        C              G         F   
Ow-ow, ah-ah the Bowery, ow-ow, ah-ah whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F         C              Am        G
Ow-ow, ah-ah the Bowery, ow-ow, ah-ah whiskey neat
F           C       G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F      C           Am     G
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
F           C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)


Am  C  Am       C              F           C
       I had a dream, we were back to seventeen
       F                   C            G
Summer nights and the Libertines, never growing up
Am             C          F                 C
I'll take with me the polaroids and the memories
        F              C                G
But you know I'm gonna leave behind the worst of us


             F                    C                G
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?
             F                 C                 G
Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep?
             F                C               G         E7   Am
Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?
             F                    C                G               
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning

         F      C     G
It ain’t me, no-o, no-o
         F      C     G
It ain’t me, no-o, no-o
         F      C     G  E7  Am
It ain’t me, no-o, no-o
             F                    C                G                
Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning, it ain’t me


Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F      C           Am     G
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
F           C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F      C           Am     G
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
F           C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

Am     C           G      F   
Ow-ow, the Bowery, ow-ow, the whiskey neat
Am          C       G         G
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I (it ain’t me)

F            C           Am           G
No no, no no no, Bowery, no no, no no no, whiskey neat
F           C       G                     Am
Where y’go, I’m so, grateful, I, it ain’t me

It Ain't Me

Verse 1:
G                                    Em        G        Em
There was a girl who lived in London town.
G                                 Em                   G      Em
The scenes and sounds, they would only bring her down
C                                   D
She had polkadots and rubies in her dreams,
C                   D
French fantasies on cinema screens...
        C             G/B    Am     G
And she knew from the finish to the start
C      G/B      Am   G
It was bound to fall apart
C         G/B     Am   Em
Thanks to Cupid's lazy dart.
Em                                D
Wouldn't it be sweet if she could die from a broken heart?

G     Em      G      Em

Verse 2: (the same chords)
There was a boy who lived inside his head.
He couldn't face the world, so he turned his back instead.
He couldn't see in front of his eyes;
His fantasies of outlaws had him hypnotised...

And he knew from the finish to the start
It was bound to fall apart
Thanks to Cupid's lazy dart.                        F
Wouldn't it be sweet if he could die from a broken heart?

   C              G           F
Behold his golden wings
       C              G         F
And behold his bronze bow.
                 C             G         F
Can you hear his silver arrows sing?
       C               G     
As his gaylied favours glow.

(then go back to the normal verse bit)

There was a boy and girl who fell in love:
They both were in love with the stars and sky above,
Cinderella, cigarettes and scenes from the past
Were chasing them too fast for this love to ever last...

And they knew from the finish to the start
It was bound to fall apart
Thanks to Cupid's lazy dart.                         F
Wouldn't it be sweet if they could die from a broken heart? 

C   G    F    C    G

Repeat F  C  G until the end. End on G.

Arrows Of Eros

Am
There's a sadness all around us
          F                         C
There are words we're too afraid to say
                                        Am
The things that I thought would last forever
    F              G
Are changing every day

          Am
There's a hunger can't be satisfied
        F                       C
And the streets are filled with rage
C                       Am
It's time to dig deep inside ourselves
F                       G
And face the life we've made

Am
It's gonna take two of us
C                           Am
Ijust can't do it all on my own
F				  C
I see the day gettin' brighter
G                    F
Hold me a little bit tighter

C                      Am      F
Out of the darkness in hand in hand
     Am               F        G
Baby together we will make our stand
C                             Am      F
Reach out and touch me we can win somehow
       Am              F                G
I know there's nothing that can stop us now
F              Am                 G   C
Oh, baby, come with me out of the darkness

...

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