Alfred Matthew &quot;Weird Al&quot; Yankovic (born October 23, 1959) is an American singer-songwriter, music producer, actor, comedian, satirist, accordian player and kazooist. Yankovic is known in particular for his humorous songs that make light of popular culture and that often parody specific songs by contemporary musical acts. Since his first-aired song parody in 1979, he has sold more than 12 million albums

Alfred Matthew Yankovic, besser bekannt als &quot;Weird Al&quot; Yankovic (* 23. Oktober 1959 in Lynwood, Kalifornien, USA) ist ein US-amerikanischer Musiker, Parodist und Akkordeon-Spieler. Er ist insbesondere bekannt geworden durch seine humorvollen Lieder, die die Pop-Kultur parodieren.  Biografie  Einen Tag vor seinem siebten Geburtstag begann Yankovic, Sohn eines serbischen Amerikaners und einer Anglo-Italienerin, Akkordeon zu spielen, ein Instrument, das er im Alter von zehn Jahren beherrschte. 

Alfred Matthew &quot;Weird Al&quot; Yankovic (Downey, California, 23 de octubre de 1959) es un humorista y cantante estadounidense, famoso por sus humorísticas canciones que iluminan la cultura popular y parodian canciones específicas de artistas musicales contemporáneos.  En 1983 saltó a la fama con su canción &quot;Eat It&quot;.  Ha parodiado a tanta gente que incluso ha llegado a aparecer en Los Simpson doblándose a sí mismo. También actúa en los tres filmes de &quot;Agárralo como puedas&quot; y tuvo su propio espacio en la MTV, al igual que otros humoristas como Tom Green. 

INTRO:  A D G D A G (x4)

VERSE:
(no chords)
Don't want to be A Canadian idiot.    A D G D A G
(no chords)                              
Dont want to be some beer swillin' hockey nut.   A D G D A G
(no chords)                          
and do I look like some frost bitten hosehead ?    A D G D A G
(no chords)                   
I never learned my alphabet from "A" to "Zed".   A D G D A G


Chorus:
D
They all live on donuts and moose meat
A
and they leave the house without packin' heat
E                            A
never even bring their guns to the mall
D
and you know what else is too funny
A
their stupid monopoly money 
E
can't take 'em seriously at...


A D G D A G
A D G D A G


Verse 2:
(no chords)                       
Well maple syrup and snow's what they export   (A D G D A G)
(no chords)                      
they treat curling just like it's A real sport  (A D G D A G)
(no chords)                  
they think their silly accent is so cute     (A D G D A G)
(no chords)                         
can't understand A thing they're talking aboot   (A D G D A G)



Chorus:
D
sure they got their national health care 
A
cheaper meds low crime rates and clean air 
E                           A
then again well they got celine dion 
D
eat their weight in kraft macaroni 
A
and dream of driving a zamboni 
E
all over saskatchewan 

A D G D A G
A D G D A G
A D G D A G



BRIDGE:
D  A  E  A
D  A  E  A
(INTRO)

Verse: (Chords same as intro)

Don't want to be a Canadian idiot   
Won't figure out the temperature in Celcius 
Ab   C#   F#   C#  Ab   F#
see the map they're hovering right over us 
(no chords)
tell you the truth it makes me kinda nervous 


Chorus:
D
always hear the same kind of story 
A
break their nose and they'll just say sorry 
E                           A
tell me what kind of freaks are that polite 
D
It's gotta mean they're all up to something 
A
so quick before they see it coming 
E
time for a pre-emptive strike


Outro:

A D G D A G
A D G D A G

END:

Canadian Idiot

Intro: G C D Bm C D D

Verse 1:
  G                   C
Once in awhile maybe you will feel the urge
     Am        D                  G
To break international copyright law
         Em                 D
By downloading MP3's from file sharing sites
        F                           C         D
Like Morpheus or Grockster or Limewire or KaZaA


Verse 2:
     G                                C
But Deep in your heart you know the guilt would drive you mad
          Am          D                G
And the shame would leave a permanent scar
            Em                                    D
'Cause you start out stealing songs then you're robbing liquor stores
      F                              C                    D
And sellin' crack and runnin' over school kids with your car


Chorus 1:
    G          C         D
So Don't download this song
     G      C                    D
The record store's where you belong
        Em     Bm           B          C
Go and buy the CD like you know you should
     Am         D        G
Oh, don't download this song


Verse 3:
     G                             C
Oh, you don't wanna' mess with the R-I-double-A
         Am             D          G
They'll sue you if you burn that CD-R
          Em                              D
Doesn't matter if you're a grandma or a seven year old girl
          F                                    C               D
They'll treat you like the evil hard-bitten criminal scum you are

Chorus 1:
    G           C        D
So don't Download this song  (Don't go)
G          C             D
Pirating music all day long
       Em      Bm           B         C
Go and buy the CD like you know you should
     Am         D         G
Oh, don't download this song


Bridge:
       Eb                    Cm
Don't take away money from artists just like me
      Eb                       Cm
How else can I afford another solid gold Hum-Vee
       G
And diamond studded swimming pools
        Em
These things don't grow on trees
    A              Am       D  E
So all I ask is everybody, please...

Chorus 2:
  A         D         E
Don't download this song  (Oh please don't you do it, or you)
 A                 D               E
Might wind up in jail like Tommy Chong  (Remember Tommy)
        D       A           Db        D
Go and buy the CD like you know you should  (Go out and buy it)
     Bm          E        A
Oh, don't download this song

Chorus 3:
 A          D         E
Don't download this song  (No, no, no, no, no, no)
 A               D              E
You'll burn in hell before too long  (And you deserve it)
        D       A                         Db       D
Go and buy the CD (Just buy it) like you know you should (you really should)
     Bm         E         A
Oh, don't download this song

Don't Download This Song

Verse 1
   F#m                             E
   Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please
A|--------------------------------------------------------|
E|-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0----|
C|--------------------------------------------------------|
G|--------------------------------------------------------|
                  F#m                       
   Really want to give you a warning
A|----------------------------------|
E|-0--0---0----0--2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2---|
C|----------------------------------|
G|----------------------------------|
           B
   Cause I found out this morning
A|---------2--2--2--2--2--2--2--2-|
E|-2-----2------------------------|
C|--------------------------------|
G|--------------------------------|
          C#
   Bout a dangerous, insidious computer virus
A|-2----2-4--5-4-----5-4-5-4---5--4-2---0----|
E|----------------------------------------4--|
C|-------------------------------------------|
G|-------------------------------------------|


Verse 2(tab same as Verse 1 except at end)
F#m                                 E
If you should get an email with the subject: "Stinky Cheese"
              F#m                       
Better not go taking your chances
      B
Under no circumstances
           C#         D#
Should you open it or else it will
A|---------4-4--4--4--6----6--6---|
E|--------------------------------|
C|--------------------------------|
G|--------------------------------|
      D#
      Translate your
A|-/6-4-------------|
E|---------7----6---|
C|------------------|
G|------------------|


Pre-chorus
G#m               C#
Documents into Swahili
G#m                    C#
Make your TV record "Gigli"
G#m                             C#              F#
Neuter your pets and give your laundry static cling
                                                A|----9---9---9b---7-7-|
                                                E|-/9---9---9----------|
                                                C|---------------------|
                                                G|---------------------|


Pre-chorus 2
        E
  (Look out!) It's gonna make your computer screen freeze
A|-4-\--2---------------------------------------------|
E|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
C|-6-\--4-----4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4---|
G|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
        F#
  (Look out!) Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs
A|-2-/--4---------------------------------------------|
E|-4-/--6---------------------------------------------|
C|-4-/--6-----6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6---|
G|-4-/--6---------------------------------------------|
        E
  (Look out!) Erase your hard drive and your back-ups too
A|-4-\--2------------------------------------2--------2--|
E|-6-\--4------------------------------------4--------4--|
C|-6-\--4-----4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4---4--------4--|
G|-6-\--4------------------------------------4--------4--|
         G#                   C#
 And the hard drive of anyone related to you


Chorus
F# C#  F#
Virus alert!
                        C#
   Delete immediately before someone gets hurt
A|-4-2----1-------------------------------------------------|
E|----------4-2----1--------------------------8--12-10-8----|
C|--------------------3----------------------------------10-|
G|----------------------------------------------------------|
G#m                        C#
Forward this message on to everybody
   G#m            C#
A|-4-2-1------------2-1----|
E|-------4--2-1---------4--|
C|--------------3-1--------|
G|-------------------------|


Verse 3
F#m                                   E
Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls
A|--------------------------------------------------------2--2-2-|
E|----2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0-0-|
C|---------------------------------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------------------------------|
                F#m
It'll make your keyboard all sticky
A|--------------------------------|
E|--------------2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2---|
C|--------------------------------|
G|--------------------------------|
             B
   Give your poodle a hickey
A|-----------2--2--2--2--2--2--2--2-|
E|-2----2---------------------------|
C|----------------------------------|
G|----------------------------------|
         C#
   And invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney
A|-2---2-4----5----4----5--4-----5--4-2--0-----|
E|------------------------------------------4--|
C|---------------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------------|


Verse 4(tab same as verse 3)
F#m                                   E
Then it will tie up your phone making prank long distance calls
               F#m
It'll set your clocks back an hour
          B
And start hogging the shower
        C#               D#
So just trash it now, or else it will
      Decide to
A|-/6-4----------|
E|------7----6---|
C|---------------|
G|---------------|


Pre chorus
G#m                  C#
give you a permanent wedgie
G#m                         C#
Legally change your name to Reggie
G#m                 C#              F#
Even mess up the pH balance in your pool
                                    A|----9---9---9b---7-7-|
                                    E|-/9---9---9----------|
                                    C|---------------------|
                                    G|---------------------|

Pre-chorus 3
        E
  (Look out!) It's gonna melt your face right off of your skull
A|-4-\--2---------------------------------------------|
E|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
C|-6-\--4-----4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4---|
G|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
        F#m
  (Look out!) And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull
A|-2-/--4---------------------------------------------|
E|-4-/--6---------------------------------------------|
C|-4-/--6-----6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6---|
G|-4-/--6---------------------------------------------|
        E
  (Look out!) And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're tryin' to sleep
A|-4-\--2---------------------------------------------|
E|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
C|-6-\--4-----4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4---|
G|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
        F#m
  (Look out!) And make you physically attracted to sheep
A|-2-/--4---------------------------------------------|
E|-4-/--6---------------------------------------------|
C|-4-/--6-----6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6---|
G|-4-/--6---------------------------------------------|
        E
  (Look out!) Steal your identity and your credit cards
A|-4-\--2---------------------------------------------|
E|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
C|-6-\--4-----4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4---|
G|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
        F#m
  (Look out!) Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards
A|-2-/--4---------------------------------------------|
E|-4-/--6---------------------------------------------|
C|-4-/--6-----6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6---|
G|-4-/--6---------------------------------------------|
        E
  (Look out!) Then cause a major rift in time and space
A|-4-\--2---------------------------------------------|
E|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
C|-6-\--4-----4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4---|
G|-6-\--4---------------------------------------------|
            G#                            C#
And leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place
C# 
That's right, it's a...


Chorus 2x
G#m                          C#        F#
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now


Bridge
             C#             G#m          Bbm         C#
If you get infected, you'll wish you had never been born
A|-----------4---------------------------1--------------|
E|--------------------------------------------------4---|
C|--------------------------3---------------------------|
G|------------------------------------------------------|
                C#           G#m         Bbm         C#
   So before it e-mails your grandmother all of your Porn
A|--------------4------------------------1----------/4---|
E|-------------------------------------------------------|
C|-1-------------------------3---------------------------|
G|-------------------------------------------------------|


   F#                              E
   Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down
A|------------------------------------------------------------|
E|-2----2---2----2--2-2---2---2----0----0--0-0----0---0--0--0-|
C|------------------------------------------------------------|
G|------------------------------------------------------------|
   E                             F#
   Drop it in a forty three foot hole in the ground
A|-2----2--2--2-2--2--2-----2---------------------------|
E|-------------------------------2-2--2--2---2--2--2--2-|
C|------------------------------------------------------|
G|------------------------------------------------------|
   F#                            E
   Bury it completely, rocks and boulders should be fine
A|-------------------------------------------------------------|
E|-2-2--2--2--2---2----2-----2---0---0----0------0--0--0--0--0-|
C|-------------------------------------------------------------|
G|-------------------------------------------------------------|
   E
   Then burn all the clothes you may have
A|-2----2----2---2---2-------2---2---2---|
E|---------------------------------------|
C|---------------------------------------|
G|---------------------------------------|
   G#                      C#
   Worn any time you were alive
A|-1----1---1----1---1------------16b---16b--|
E|-2----2---2----2---2-----------------------|
C|-------------------------------------------|
G|-------------------------------------------|


Chorus 3x


Ourto
G#m                                 C#
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
G#m                          C#        F#
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now
   F# 
   What are you waiting for?
A|--------------------------|
E|-1----2---1---2--1----2---|
C|--------------------------|
G|--------------------------|
   Just hurry up and forward this to every single
A|-----------------------------------------------|
E|-1----2--1--2--1---2--1----2----1--2--1--2--1--|
C|-----------------------------------------------|
G|-----------------------------------------------|
   person that you know! Hit... send... right... now
A|-----------------------1--------------1-----------------|
E|-2--1---2----1---2------------2----------------2------2-|
C|--------------------------------------------------------|
G|--------------------------------------------------------|

Virus Alert

Em
They see me mowin'
Bm
My front lawn
C
I know they're all thinking
       Am
I'm so White N' nerdy
Am
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Am
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!

Em
I wanna roll with-
Bm
The gangsters
C
But so far they all think
        Am
I'm too white n' nerdy
Am
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
Really, really white n' nerdy


First in my class here at M.I.T.
Got skills, I'm a Champion of DND
MC Escher that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40
I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin to the contrary
You'll find they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Steven Hawkings in my library
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
I got people begging for my top 8 spaces
Yo I know Pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a whiz at minesweeper I can play for days
Once you see my sweet moves you're gonna stay amazed,
my fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze
There's no killer app I haven't run
At Pascal, well, I'm number 1
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat but I gotta soldering gun
Happy days is my favourite theme song
I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in Java Script as well as Klingon
Here's the part I sing on

Em                   Bm
They see me roll on, my Segway!
C
I know in my heart they think I'm
Am
white n' nerdy!
Am
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Am
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy

Em
I'd like to roll with-
Bm
The gangsters
C
Although it's apparent I'm too
Am
White n' nerdy
Am
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
How'd I get so white n' nerdy?

Rap part (Play backround music)
I've been browsing, inspectin'
X-men comics you know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket
I must protect 'em
my ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shopping online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
I got a business doing websites
When my friends need some code who do they call?
I do HTML for them all
Even made a homepage for my dog!
Yo! Got myself a fanny pack
they were having a sale down at the GAP
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
POP POP! Hope no one sees me gettin' freaky!

Em                             Bm
I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour creme
C                                   Am
I was in AV club and Glee club and even the chess team!
Em               Bm
Only question I ever thought was hard
C                      Am
Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?
Em            Bm
I spend every weekend

at the renaissance fair
C                   Am
I got my name on my under wear!

Em
They see me strollin'
Bm
They laughin'
C
And rollin' their eyes 'cause
       Am
I'm so white n' nerdy
Am
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
Am
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
Am
All because I'm white n' nerdy
Am
Holy cow I'm white n' nerdy

Em
I wanna bowl with-
Bm
the gangsters
C
but oh well it's obvious I'm
Am
white n' nerdy
Am
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Am
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!

White And Nerdy

Intro 

Cadd9     C (x4)

Cadd9 C     F   G                  C
I know that you don't know me very well
Cadd9 C      Am7  G/B
We've barely met, but I can surely tell
Am G        F     G      
No one will ever love you like I do

Cadd9 C   F        G                  C
I like to feel the warm spot on your chair
Cadd9 C     F         G/B
Sometimes I drool and usually I stare
Am G        F
My precious one
Am G         F                  G
I saved that gum that you threw in the garbage

C
You're the one I dream about
G                             Dm
But the only question with me now is
     F         G
Do I creep you out?

C
Everytime I shake your hand now
G                              Dm
Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth
     F         G
Do I creep you out?

Am       G               F    G
Call you every night and hang up, whoa, up
Am               G          Dm        
Gonna carve your name in my leg
      F        G
In my leg      Ohhh-OH

C
Something I should ask about

G                                  Dm
Can I sniff the pit stains on your blouse?
                F         
And do I creep you
               D
Do I creep you out?

D
Your restraining order's out
A                               Em
Still the only question with me now (oh, the only question)
        G         A
Is do I creep you out? (is do I creep you out?)

D
Know exactly where you live now
A                                   Em
Followed you from work back to your house
(Followed you from work back to your house)
           G         A
Well, do I creep you out?
               D
Do I creep you out?

Do I Creep You Out?

F
Oooh oooh oooh ee-oooh oooh oooh 
Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh-oooh oooh 
Oooooh 

Gm         C
I'm always thinkin' 'bout it 
Dm	                Gm 
   I don't know what I'd do without it 
C7
I love, I really love 
   F
My pancreas 

Gm              C
My spleen just doesn't matter
Dm	            Gm
  Don't really care about my bladder 
Bb                Gm
But I don't leave home without 
   F
My pancreas 

Gm        D
My pancreas is always 
There for me 
Ahh-oooh 

F 	        Dm
Secreting those enzymes (bap bap bap) 
F               Dm
Secreting those hormones too 
Bb	          F
Metabolizing carbohydrates 
          G                 G7
Just for me 

C
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba 
My pancreas 
Bb
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba 
My pancreas 
C
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba 
My pancreas 
Bb
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba 
My pancreas 
C
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba 
My pancreas 
Bb
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba 
My pancreas 
C		C7
Ooooooh 

Bb	    C
My pancreas attracts every other 
F	        Dm
Pancreas in the universe 
        Gm       C7
With a force proportional 
       F                F7
To the product of their masses 
     Bb          C
And inversely proportional 
       F          Dm
To the distance between them 

Woo woo woo woo 

Don'tcha you know you gotta
F		             Gm 
Flow, flow, flow, pancreatic juice 
                     C
Flow, flow, into the deuodenum 
Won'tcha 
F                            Gm
Flow, flow, flow, pancreatic juice 
                     C
Flow, flow, into the deuodenum 
F
Insulin, glucagon 
(Won'tcha flow, flow, flow, pancreatic juice) 
Gm	            C
    Comin' from the islets of Langerhans... 
(Flow flow, into the deuodenum) 
F
Insulin, glucagon 
(Won'tcha flow flow flow, pancreatic juice) 
Gm	            C
    Comin' from the islets of Langerhans... 
(Flow flow, into the deuodenum) 




F
Lipase, amylase, and tripsin 
[Insulin, glucagon] 
(Won'tcha flow, flow flow, pancreatic juice) 
Gm	               C
  They gonna help with our digestion 
[Comin' from the islets of Langerhans...] 
(Flow flow, into the deuodenium) 


F
Can't you see I love my pancreas 
{Lipase, amylase, and tripsin} 
[Insulin, glucagon] 
(Won'tcha flow flow flow, pancreatic juice) 
Gm              C
   Golly-gee I love my pancreas 
{They gonna help with our digestion} 
[Comin' from the islets of Langerhans...] 
(Flow flow, into the deuodenum) 
F
Can't you see I love my pancreas 
{Lipase, amylase, and tripsin} 
[Insulin, glucagon] 
(Won'tcha flow flow flow, pancreatic juice) 
Gm	       C
   Golly-gee I love my pancreas 
{They gonna help with our digestion} 
[Comin' from the islets of Langerhans...] 
(Flow flow, into the deuodenum) 
F
Can't you see I love my pancreas 
{Lipase, amylase, and tripsin} 
[Insulin, glucagon] 
(Won'tcha flow flow flow, pancreatic juice) 
Gm 	       C
   Golly-gee I love my pancreas 
{They gonna help with our digestion} 
[Comin' from the islets of Langerhans...] 
(Flow flow, into the deuodenum) 
F				fade out
Can't you see I love my pancreas

Pancreas

Straight Outta Lynwood

intro: C-F

 C                       Em
We've been together for so very long
    Dm
But now things are changing,
       G
Oh I wonder what's wrong?
  Dm                      G     
Seems you don't want me around
       Dm                   F         G
The passion is gone and the flames died down

            C                    Em 
I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
     Dm                             G
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
Dm                      G
You used to think I was nice
         Dm                                G
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the antichrist

    A#                          F
Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car?
      C                       G
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
       Dm     F      Dm         F       C
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

 C                         
I knew that we were having problems when 
    Em                        Dm
you put those piranhas in my bathtub again
    G                          Dm
You're still the light of my life
     G                             F             G
Oh darling I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife You know I,
 C                     Em
even think it's kinda cute the way-yea
      Dm                      G
you poison my coffee just a little each day
 Dm                               G
I still remember the way that you laughed
         Dm                 F        G
When you pushed me down the elevator shaft

Bb                                             F
Oh, if you don't mind me asking what's this poisonous cobra
C                        G
Doing in my underwear drawer?`
            Dm        F     Dm         G         C
Sometimes I get to thinking You don't love me anymore

C                               Em
You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
        G                           Dm                
Now my scars are all healing but my heart never will
G                    Dm 
You set my house on fire
       G                              F           G
You pulled out my chesthairs with an old pair of pliers

          C                     Em                 Dm
Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap, you shaved off
                  G
my eyebrows while I was asleep
G                          Dm
 Youdrilled a hole in my head
           Dm              G                F          G
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Bb                              F
Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all.
       C                        G
 You never acted this way before
           Dm      F       G         Dm         C
Honey, something tells me you don't love me anymore
   G              Dm   G       F         G         C
Oh no no, got a funny feeling You don't love me anymore


You Don't Love Me Anymore

G             Em
A long, long time ago
Am               C
In a galaxy far away
   Em                 D
Naboo was under an attack
     G               Em
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
      Am           C
Could talk the federation into
  Em            C            D
Maybe cutting them a little slack
Em                     Am
But their response, it didn't thrill us
Em                        Am
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
C                    Am
We escaped from that gas
     C                    D
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
   G            Em
We took a bongo from the scene
       C                D
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
   G               Em
We all wound up on Tatooine
       C        D          G
That's where we found this boy...

G                  C      G
Oh my my this here Anakin guy
       G             C                G            D  
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
       G           C                G            D 
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
        Em                     A7
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
Em                      D7
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"


Did you know this junkyard slave

Isn't even old enough to shave

But he can use the Force, they say

Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen

Though he's just nine and she's fourteen

Yah, he's probably gonna marry her someday

Well, I know he built C-3PO

And I've heard how fast his pod can go

And we were broke, it's true

So we made a wager or two

He was a prepubescent flyin' ace

And the minute Jabba started off that race

Well, I knew who would win first place

Oh yes, it was our boy


We started singin' ...

My my this here Anakin guy

May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"


Now we finally got to Coruscant

The Jedi Council we knew would want

To see how good the boy could be

So we took him there and we told the tale

How his midi-chlorians were off the scale

And he might fulfill that prophecy

Oh, the Council was impressed, of course

Could he bring balance to the Force?

They interviewed the kid

Oh, training they forbid

Because Yoda sensed in him much fear

And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here"

"Just stick it in your pointy ear"

"I still will teach this boy"


He was singin' ...

My my this here Anakin guy

May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"


We caught a ride back to Naboo

'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to

I frankly would've liked to stay

We all fought in that epic war

And it wasn't long at all before

Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day

And in the end some Gunguns died

Some ships blew up and some pilots fried

A lot of folks were croakin'

The battle droids were broken

And the Jedi I admire most

Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast

Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost

I guess I'll train this boy


And I was singin' ...

My my this here Anakin guy

May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"


We were singin' ...

My my this here Anakin guy

May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

The Saga Begins

Am
Riding in the bus down the boulevard
                         Dm
And the place was pretty packed (Yeah!)
Am            
Couldn't find a seat so I had to stand
                         Dm
With the perverts in the back
       F               C
It was smelling like a locker room
          F                 C    
There was junk all over the floor
F                       C
We're already packed in like sardines
          Dm                  E
But we're stopping to pick up more, look out


Am                    Dm
Another one rides the bus
Am                    Dm
Another one rides the bus
 Am                   Am
Another comes on and another comes on
Am                    Dm
Another one rides the bus
Bm                  
Hey, who's gonna sit by you
                      E
Another one rides the bus


Am
There's a suitcase poking me in the ribs
                       Dm
There's an elbow in my ear
Am           
There's a smelly old bum standing next to me
                     Dm
Hasn't showered in a year
F                     C
I think I'm missing a contact lens
  F                 C
I think my wallet's gone
      F                 C
And I think this bus is stopping again
   Dm                           E
To let a couple more freaks get on look out


Am                    Dm
Another one rides the bus
Am                    Dm
Another one rides the bus
 Am                   Am
Another comes on and another comes on
Am                    Dm
Another one rides the bus
Bm                  
Hey, who's gonna sit by you
                      E
Another one rides the bus



Another one rides the bus

Another one rides the bus ow

Another one rides the bus hey hey

Another one rides the bus hey-ey-ey-ey ey ey eyyyyyy


Am                                    
The window doesn't open and the fan is broke
                       Dm
And my face is turning blue (Yeah)
Am                        
I haven't been in a crowd like this
                        Dm
Since I went to see the Who
       F                          C
Well I should've got off a couple miles ago
      F                   C
But I couldn't get to the door
      F                        C
There isn't any room for me to breathe
    Dm                      E
And now we're gonna pick up more yeaaah


Am                    Dm
Another one rides the bus
Am                    Dm
Another one rides the bus
 Am                   Am
Another comes on and another comes on
Am                    Dm
Another one rides the bus
Bm                  
Hey, who's gonna sit by you
                      E
Another one rides the bus.

Another One Rides The Bus

C
Since you've been gone
       E                  F
Well I feel like I've been chewing on tin foil
                  C
Since you've been gone
            E              F
It's like I got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil
          C              E
Well, I'm feeling like I stuck my hand
         F                     G#
Inside a blender and turned it on
              C                     G
You know I've been in a buttload of pain
                  C
Since you've been gone

(Well Since you've been gone)

(C            Bm  Am
 Since you've been gone
)

           Am
I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped
          G
A two-ton bowling ball on my toes

 G            G#   Am
(Since you've been gone)
            Am
It couldn't hurt any more if you shoved
          G
A red hot cactus up my nose

[Coming back from the F#m bit to the a bit is the following series of
 chords; the last "Since you've been gone" starts on the C#m.]

 G
(Yap yap dibbie dow bop bop
     G         F         Em       Dm        C
duba doom daba dawm baba dowm baba dowm baba dowm :-)

                  C
Since you've been gone
         E                     F
Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day
                  C
Since you've been gone
            E               F
It's like I got an ice cream headache that won't go away
     C                 E
Ever since the day you left me
             F             G#
I've been so miserable, my dear
       C                  G
I feel almost as bad as I did
     G              C
When you were still here

Since You've Been Gone

Eat It

Am                           G
How come you're always such a fussy young man
          Am                            G
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
          F                             G
Well don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
     Am        G
So eat it, just eat it

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no desert till you clean off your plate
So eat it

Don't tell me you're full

(Chorus)
A C E C(octave) A, B A G G, A C E C(octave) A, B A G

Just eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's broiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it

2nd Verse
Your table manners are a crying shame
Your playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now if you starve to death you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it

You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it

I don't care if you're full

2nd Chorus
Just eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more Spam
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned

Just eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
        Am
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
   Am
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

3rd Chorus
Just eat it, eat it
If it's getting cold reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it,you can't send it back

Just eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's broiled or fried

Just eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it

Eat It

VERSE 1:
   Em           C      G         Em
My house ... is filled with this crap
      C      G       Em
Shows up in- bubble wrap
     C     G
Most every day
     Em          D G  
What I bought on eBay



CHORUS:
        C                   D   G
Tell me why (I need another pet rock)
        C                   D     G
Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock)
        C                       D   G
Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee)
Em             D G
They had it on eBay 



VERSE 2:
    Em                       C     G
I'll buy (buy, buy,)... your knick-knack
      Em          C   G
Just check ... my feedback
   Em       C   G
"Ass!" they all say
     Em         D G
They love me on eBay



CHORUS:
      C                       D    G
Gonna buy (a slightly-damaged golf pack)
      C                        D        G
Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tags)
          C                     D  G   
From some guy I've never met in Norway
Em           B  
Found him on eBay



BRIDGE:
Em                   Em7
I am the type who is liable to snipe you
    C                    Am  D
With two seconds left to go, whoa
    Em              Em7               
Got Paypal or Visa, whatever'll please ya
   Am                   Dsus4  D
As long as I've got the dough



CHORUS:  
     C            D      G
I'll buy ... your tchotchkes
     C           D      G
Sell me ... your watch, please
     C                     Em
I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy ...)
            Asus4
I'm highest bidder now




VERSE 3:
              Asus4         E       A
(Yeahhh) Junk keeps arriving in the mail
Asus4                E     A
From that worldwide garage sale
(Dukes Of Hazzard ashtray)
Asus4                   E  A   
Hey! A Dukes Of Hazzard ashtray
   F#m                     E A
Oh yeah ... I bought it on eBay



CHORUS #2:
      Asus4               E    A
Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox)
      Asus4                  E    A
Wanna buy (a case on vintage tube socks)
      Asus4                  E  A
Wanna buy (a Kleenex used by Dr.Dre, Dr. Dre)
F#m         E A
Found it on eBay



CHORUS #2:
      Asus4                    E A
Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcett poster)
     Asus4            E   A
(Pez dispensers and a toaster)
           Asus4                           E     A
Don't know why ... the kind of stuff you'd throw away
     Asus4  E A
I'll buy on eBay



OUTRO:
     Asus4       E A
What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y

Ebay

Intro/Riff 1:
A-6-----5-----3-----1---------------------------|
E---6-----7-----5-----3---4-----4-----1---1-1h3-|
C-----7-----5-----3-----3---3-0---3-0---3-------|
G-----------------------------------------------|


Verse 1(Play with Riff 1 x4)
Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered WITH ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"


Chorus
Ab  Eb    Ab         Eb
The night Santa went crazy
Ab  Eb          Bb          Eb
The night Saint Nick went insane
Ab Eb              Cm          Eb
Realized he'd been getting the raw deal
Ab        Eb              Bb             Eb
Something finally must've snapped in his brain


Verse 2(Play with Riff 1 x2)
Well the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
       Ab         Eb              Ab         Eb
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
       C#         Cm          Bb          Eb
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
        Ab          Eb                  Ab        Eb
Then he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen
        C#         Cm                Bb               Eb
Then he took a big bite and said "It tastes just like chicken!"


Chrous
Ab  Eb    Ab         Eb
The night Santa went crazy
Ab  Eb         Bb           Eb
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
        Ab    Eb           Cm        Eb
Now you can’t hardly walk around the north pole
Ab        Eb        Bb       Eb
Without stepping in reindeer guts


Bridge
C#                   Cm              Eb   Bb
There's the National Guard and the FBI
          C#                      Cm
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
                Eb                     Bb
And helicopters circling 'round in the sky
        Cm                     Ab
Now the bullets are flying the body count's rising
    F                   Bb              Riff 1 x2
And everyone’s dying to know -oh Santa, why?
My, my, my, my, my, my - you used to be such a jolly guy.


Verse 3(Play with Riff 1 x2)
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time
In a Federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey little friend now, don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years.
        Ab         Eb          Ab             Eb
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
        C#            Cm                   Bb     Eb
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
         Ab       Eb                 Ab          Eb
And they say Mrs. Claus she's on the phone every night
       C#       Cm            Bb    Eb
With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights(They talk about)


Chorus x2
Ab  Eb    Ab         Eb
The night Santa went crazy
Ab  Eb          Bb       Eb
The night Saint Nicholas flipped
Ab        Eb            Cm       Eb
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Ab        Eb             Bb            Eb
Sounds to me like he was kinda getting gypped

    Ab  Eb    Ab         Eb
Wo, The night Santa went crazy
Ab  Eb          Bb          Eb
The night Saint Nick went insane
Ab   Eb              Cm          Eb
  Realized he'd been getting the raw deal
Ab        Eb              Bb             Eb
Something finally must've snapped in his brain
  C#          Cm              Bb             Eb
Wo, Something finally must've snapped in his brain
        C#        Cm              Bb             Eb
Tell ya something finally must've snapped in his brain.

Outro:                            
A-6-----5-----3-----1-----------------------1----|
E---6-----7-----5-----3---4-----4-----1---1-3----|
C-----7-----5-----3-----3---3-0---3-0---3---3----|
G-------------------------------------------3----|

The Night Santa Went Crazy

The Essential Weird Al Yankovic

Verse . .
             G                 C
x xxxxxxx xx every xxxx xxxxxx play
           G             C
xxxx xxxxx drama xxxxxxx away
     G                C
Graduated xxxxx xx xx class
   G             C
xx Julliard...
           G                 C
xxxx xxxxx acting xxxxxxxx x could
      G               C
xxx x dreamed xx hollywood
        G           C                      G 
xxxxx x read xx xxx Hagen, xxx xxxxxxx xxx Bard

etc... G to C. 



Chorus . . 
     Em  D            C             G
xx x tourguide xx xxx Jungle xxxxxx ride
C       G          D
Skipper xxx xx xxx name
       Em    D           C          G
xxx xx doing xxxxxx-xxxx shows xxxxxxxx
C     G            D
Every xxxx xxx xxx xxxx
C             G             C              D
Look xx xxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx wiggling xxxxx xxxx
C                             D
Just xxxx xxxxxx xxxx xxx xxx last xxxxx xxxxx
       Em            D            C         D
xxx xx telling xxxxx xxxxx xxx xx crying xxxxxx
         C              D             G
xxxxx xx working xx xxx Jungle xxxxxx ride


Bridge . . 
D                                           G                    Em
x xxxxxx xx xxxxx xx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxx dead xx xxxxxx xxxxx men
D                                   B
Instead xx xxxxxxx xxxxx xxxx xxxxx again xxx xxxxx xxx xxxxx...

Skipper Dan

G
Oh the sand keeps falling through the hourglass
               D                        Em
And there's no way you're gonna slow it down
           C                   G
You say we gotta treasure each moment
              D                    B
Who knows how long we're gonna be around


         C                  G
Yeah you keep on telling me life is short
         B                              C
And it's hard to disagree with what you say
       G                           D
But if time is so precious, why ya wasting mine
          C
Cause I'm always reading, Always deleting
C                                       D
Every useless piece of garbage that you send my way


      G
Every stupid hoax
          D
All those corny jokes
      C                      D
Stop forwarding that crap to me
        G                          D
Well I don't need tons of cringe inducing puns
      C                      D
Stop forwarding that crap to me


      Em              Bm
No it isn't ok if you brighten my day 
          C                                 D
With some cut and pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry
       G                    D
And I didn't request a personality test
      C         D
Stop forwarding - that crap to me


G - D - C - D
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...


D              G
You're sending virus-laden bandwidth-hogging attachments 
   D                       Em
to every single person you know
       C                       G
You're passing round a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
     D                      B
That everybody else already saw three years ago
    C            G
And wacky badly Photoshopped billboards
     B                     C
were never that amusing to me
      G                        D
And I just can't believe you believe those urban legends
      C
But I have high hopes someone will point you toward Snopes
C                                         D
And debunk that crazy junk you're spewing constantly


     G                            D
No I don't want a bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul
      C                      D
Stop forwarding that crap to me
          G                     D
Send more top 10 lists and I'll slash my wrists
             C                      D
Please stop forwarding that crap to me
         Em                        Bm
Well I'm sorry I can't accept your paranoid rant
            C                             D
And I don't want the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe
          G                          D
Won't you kindly refrain, cause it's hurting my brain
     C
Stop forwarding... that crap to me

Am                                    D
Like glittery hearts and unicorns and pictures of somebody's cat
           Am                                 D
Now tell me in what alternate reality would I care about something like that?

                    Em
And by the way your quotes from George Carlin aren't really George Carlin
    Bm
Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet Cong
         C
And Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing
      A
And I highly doubt some dead girl is gonna kill me
A
If I don't pass your letter along...


A          G
Well now I know you're wishing 
     D
I'll sign your petition
          C                      D
But stop forwarding that crap to me
                    G
And I don't want to read your series 
      D
Of conspiracy theories
           C                      D
Just stop forwarding that crap to me
         Em
And your two million loser friends
    Bm
All have my address now
          C                            D
Cause you never figured out the way to BCC

       G
Now I gotta insist
       Em
Take me off of your list
      C         D                G
Stop forwarding-- that crap to me


G                               G 
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Em                              Em 
Stop forwarding that crap to me
C                    D
Stop forwarding that crap to me
(repeats)

C - D - G
Ahhhhhhh....

Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me

Alpocalypse

Em                 D                            C                   G
I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report
              Em          D           C        G
About some devistating earthquake in Peru
Em                     D                         C                   G
There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive
         Em              D           C        G
On the Richter scale it measured 8.2
              C            D            G
And I said, "God, please answer me one question?"
C                    Bb    C    G
"Why'd they have to interrupt 'The Simpsons' just for this?"
Bb   C   G                  Bb   C      G
What a drag, 'cause I was taping it and everything
              C                     G               D
And now I'll have to wait for the rerun to see the part of the show I missed

chorus:

C              G
Why does this always happen?
Bb              F
Why does this always happen to me?
C               G
Why does this always happen?
Bb                     F
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?

C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba

Em                      D                    C                   G
I was driving down the highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl
              Em                D            C        G
There was a twelve-car pile-up, everybody dead
           Em                  D           C                G
And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere
            Em                  D            C        G
As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head


               C     D                G
And I thought - Poor Rob, I just had lunch with him
      C             Bb       C       G
Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money - what a jerk
          Bb   C   G                Bb   C   G  
Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again
              C                 G                       D
Plus now, on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late to work

chorus:

C              G
Why does this always happen?
Bb             F
Why does this always happen to me?
C              G
Why does this always happen?
Bb                    F
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?

C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
A
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba

          Em           D                 C              G
Oh, the other day, my boss said we were running low on toner
Em                      D             C  G 
And he told me I should buy another case
        Em              D            C                   G
Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking
       Em                 D                  C                  G
So, I turned around and stabbed him in the face (right in the face)

        C             D           G
Oh, and wouldn't you know it, my knife got stuck
C              Bb       C        G
I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then
    Bb  C   G             Bb        C     G 
But I'm afraid I may have bent the tip a little
        C                 G                 D  
And I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again (quite as sharp again)
Oh, tell me

C              G
Why does this always happen?
Bb             F
Why does this always happen to me?
C              G
Why does this always happen?
Bb                    F
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?

C              G
Why does this always happen?
Bb             F
Why does this always happen to me?
C              G
Why does this always happen?
Bb                    F
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?

C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
C            G
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Bb           F
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba

Why Does This Always Happen To Me

Poodle Hat

A  F      C D F E
   Hit my snooze alarm for the 27th time
A F  C DF     E
   Just don't feel like going to work - I think I'll call my boss then I'm
D  E        F     G    D
   Gonna hack and cough and wheeze
E    F       G
Swear I've got some strange disease
D     E       F         G
What's that little twerp gonna say?  Hey...

(Chorus) - (Hard rock style, lots of crashes, overdriven guitar)
A    F F      C      D
  I'm callin' in sick today
A    F F  C  D
  Callin' in sick today

I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp
I could spend all day in my underwear watching "Ernest Goes To Camp"
I could sit and count my hair
I could burp my Tupperware
I'm not busy now anyway.   Hey..........

(Chorus)
A    F F      C      D
  I'm callin' in sick today
A    F F  C  D
  Callin' in sick today
A    F F  C  D
  Ain't going to work, no way
A    F F  C  DC
  Callin' in sick today

(Bridge) - ED  E   D
  I can do anything I want to
E   D    E    D
  I am invincible now
E    D    E  D
     I'm on fire, baby
      EG
  I'm alive, I'm alive, can you hear me, world?
A
  I'm alive!

Maybe I'll spend all day staring at the sun and trying not to squint
Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from my bellybutton lint
When I'm sick of takin' abuse
I just make up some lame excuse
Freedom's just seven digits away.  Hey...

(Chorus)
A    F F      C      D
  I'm callin' in sick today
A    F F  C  D
  Callin' in sick today
A    F F  C  D
  Ain't going to work, no way
A    F F  CDC
  Callin' in sick today
E   E E
D D D C C B G A

Callin' In Sick

Bad Hair Day

[Chorus]
          G                 Cadd9
It's been one week since we got to see
          G          Cadd9
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry
G                     Cadd9
 Five days since they had the show
          G                 Cadd9
With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho
G                    Cadd9
 Three days since we heard the tale
  G                           Cadd9
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
G               Cadd9
Yesterday it occurred to me
                G                 Cadd9
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer

[Verse 1]
G                      Cadd9
Holy cow, d'you see it last week?
                     G                  
Well, they had this one freak
           Cadd9
Who sucker-punched his whole family
G                         Cadd9
 Do you recall when the brawl
                       G
Became a total free-for-all
                          Cadd9
And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee
G                              Cadd9
Hey, see the stripper with the implants
             G
She likes to lap dance
             Cadd9
And date the boyfriend of her mother
G                        Cadd9
 Now here come's Jerry's next guest
             G
And it's a slugfest
                  Cadd9
'Cause it's her trailer trash brother
G                        Cadd9
 Nymphomaniac is back on crack
                          G
It's like "When Animals Attack"
                       Cadd9
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
G                                      Cadd9
 Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes
                                  G
Step on their toes, that's how it goes
                          Cadd9
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver
 
[Bridge 1]
Em7                                Dadd9  
They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt, and pointin' blame
Bm4                    Cadd9
On the air? They don't care, they've got no shame
Em7                        Dadd9
There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange
Bm4                        Cadd9
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
Em7                      Dadd9
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
Bm4                     Cadd9
They have a history of ripping off their shirts

[Chorus]
It's been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven't got the blood off the wall
It's been three days since the bitter fued
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude
Yesterday, finally dawned on me
I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer

[Interlude]
G, Cadd9 (x7)
[Guy] Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister
[Gal] Oh? Well, which one?
[Guy] All of them
[Gal Oh! Well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake!
[Guy] Yah? Well, well me too!
[Gal] Oh!
[Guy] And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie!
(barking)
[Gal] Woofie, you b-tch!
[Gal] Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat!
(baaahhing)
[Guy] That goat doesn't love to you!

[Verse 2]
Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'
Jerry's the king of confrontation
He's a sensation
He puts the 'sin' in syndication
It's totally worthless, like a bad check
It's like a train wreck
Don't wanna stare but you can't look away
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin' higher everyday
If you've seen the show, well then you know
It's just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon
Comes in the room and then it's BOOM
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen

[Bridge 2]
Well it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies
"Jerry! Jerry!" Now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV? I just can't
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one

[Chorus]
It's been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise
When some loser's wife said she's shtill dating twenty guys
Three days wince he interviewed
A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer
Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer
I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger

Jerry Springer

Running With Scissors

LA RE
Jo et duré a casa si fa mal temps
MI FA#m
Jo t’empararé si un cas tens por
SIm MI
Jo te cuidaré si estàs malalta
RE LA
De tot cor, de tot cor
RE REm LA
De tot cor

MI RE DO#m-SIm-LA

FA#m DO#m
Estic a punt d’anar-me’n
RE LA RE
Mes abans de partir et diré
REm LA
Que et duc dins es pensament

FA#m DO#m
No deix de recordar-te
RE LA RE
I alen els teus alens tot calents
REm SIm MI
De lluny i de prop me tens


Jo et duré...

FA#m DO#m
I a dalt de s’escenari
RE LA RE
Quan estic concentrat cantant
REm MI
Jo sempre te tenc present

FA#m DO#m
Perquè m’ets necessari
RE LA
Com s’aire que respir
RE REm SIm MI
Necessit estar amb tu en tot moment


Jo et duré... ( bis )

De tot cor

[intro]
F Am Dm Am A# Dm Gm C

[Verse 1]
             F 
Baby really hurt me
                Am 
crying in the taxi
                Dm
He dont wanna know me
                         Am                     A#     Dm
says you make the big mistake of dancing in my store 
Gm                  C
   Says it was poison
                 F
So I guess I go home 
          Am                     Dm
into the arms of the girl that I love
                Am 
the only love I havent screwed up
A#                  Dm
   She's so hard to please
             Gm      C  
but shes a forest fire
        F               
I do my best to meet her demands
Am
play it romance
         Dm
we slow dance in the living room
    Am                      A#
but all that a stranger would see
        Dm           Gm               C     
is one girl swaying alone stroking her cheek

[Chorus]

      F         Am            Dm 
They say, "you're a little much for me
         Am     A# 
You're a liability
          Dm         Gm    C
You're a little much for me"
               F              Am 
So they pull back make other plans
       Dm 
I understand
     Am     A# 
I'm a liability
        Dm         Gm    
Get you wild, make you leave
       C            Dm            F    A#       
I'm a little much for eh oh-na-na-na everyone

[Verse 2]
            F 
The truth is, I am toy
                Dm
that people enjoy
                Am               A#
till all of the tricks dont work anymore
Dm              Gm       C
And then they are bored of me
             
                    F
I know that its exciting
                     Am
running through the night but
              Dm                Am
every perfect summer's eating me alive
            A#    Dm
unitl youre gone
Gm          C
Better on my own

[Chorus]

      F         Am            Dm 
They say, "you're a little much for me
         Am     A# 
You're a liability
          Dm         Gm    C
You're a little much for me"
               F              Am 
So they pull back make other plans
       Dm 
I understand
     Am     A# 
I'm a liability
        Dm         Gm    
Get you wild, make you leave
       C            Dm            F    A#       
I'm a little much for eh oh-na-na-na everyone

[Outro]
             Dm           F           A#
They're gonna watch me disappear into the sun
                 Dm        F           A#
You're all gonna watch me disappear into the sun

Liability

A                                     E 
Roll into your town and I'm walking around
                                                Fm                        
Got some extra time think I'll throw some money down
                                                     D
And you follow me around, and you're asking for the time

Your asking what I found 
                         A
think I'm gonna rob you blind

maybe it's the tattoo on my arm
        E
that I drew while I was bored waiting tables in new york
Fm                                            D
 a  heart and two flowers intertwined with a vine

Up Here

INTRO:

A |---------------------|
E |--7--7--7----------- -|
C |---------------------|
G |---------------------|

VERSE 1:   

C#m          E       B      A                     C#m   E    B   A 
I’m going away to be alone I’m coming back with answers
C#m           E            B    A            C#m   E   B   A
Don’t try to call my telephone it’s disconnected
C#m           E          B       A               C#m   E   B   A
And I don’t know where I’m going but can you guide me
C#m              E        B        A              C#m   E   B   A
But if I find love where I’m going will it survive me


PRE-CHORUS 1:

C#m            B   A                         C#m         A   B
‘Cause in your own space you’re disconnected and in your own mind you’re not affected
C#m         B   A                           C#m         A   B
And in your own time you’re still attracted but in your own life


CHORUS:

A                                 C#m            B
This heart attack I’ve gotta get away not coming back
A                                 C#m                     B
I want some downtime so call me when you can and I’ll be fine


VERSE 2: [same chords as VERSE1]
I’ve found the time to be alone I don’t know what you’re asking
I’m waiting by the telephone and you’re still barking
My heart stops it isn’t… going could you revive me
I think I’m lost without knowing so come and find me


PRE-CHORUS 2:  [same chords as PRE-CHORUS1]
‘Cause in the same space we’re disconnected and in your own mind you’re not attracted
But in your own life over reacted and in your own time


{CHORUS x2}


Sometimes if we don’t go sometimes you don’t know
You don’t go I don’t go I don’t go you don’t go

C#5  B5  A5                      C#5  A5  B5
            I’ve got your back              but you don’t got mine
C#5  E5  A5                    C#5  A5  B5
            This heart attack              then I’m feeling fine


CHORUS x2

C#m          E       B    A 
I’m going away to be alone
C#m          E       B    A 
I'm going away to be alone ...............

This Heart Attack

Intro:

Bb - F - A

F                 C
I've been feeling lonesome
F                            C
I'm down, don't know what to do
D
I let you lie to me
F
plant seeds inside
            E
to see them grow
                      F
only to leave them to die

  C
I learned my lesson
       E
I won't be forgetting
       F
I won't give my heart out
    A
with-out suspecting

Bb  F
why cry
Dm G
why cry
Bb  F
why cry
    A
for you

F                  C
I've been lost and finding
F                           C
out that I've been such a fool
D           
you thought you'd stick around
F
until the day you found
    E                    F
someone to make me obsolete

  C
I learned my lesson
       E
I won't be forgetting
       F
I won't give my heart out
    A
with-out suspecting

Bb  F
why cry
Dm G
why cry
Bb  F
why cry
Dm F
why cry
    Bb
for you... 


Guitar Solo:

Bb - F - A (2x)

  C     
I learned my lesson
       E
I won't be forgetting
       F
I won't give my heart out
    A
with-out suspecting

Bb  F
why cry
Dm G
why cry
Bb  F
why cry
Dm G
why cry
Bb  F
why cry
Dm G
why cry
Bb  F
why cry
Dm G
why cry
    A
for you

Why Cry

[Verse 1]
 G                              D
You like New York City in the daytime
 Bm                   A
I like New York City in the nighttime
 G                          D
You say you like sleeping with the air off
Bm                  A
I don't, I need it on
G                  D
You like the light coming through the windows
 Bm                      A
I sleep late, so I just keep 'em all closed
G                  D
You ignore the music on the radio
Bm                 A
I don't, I sing-a-long


[Pre-Chorus]
G               D        Bm             A
I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no
    G              D          Bm    A
And you don't ask for me to change


[Chorus]
N.C.                     D
Tell me how we're not alike
       Bm               A
But we work so well and we don't even know why
G              D
Funny how the stars crossed right
       Bm                   A
'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why
 G              D
You can call it fire and ice
    Bm                  A
But we work so well and we don't even know why
G              D
We don't even know why, no no
Bm                          A
We don't even know why, no no no


[Post-Chorus]
N.C.
No no no no
D
We like it in the daytime
Bm                 A
We like it in the end of time
N.C.
No no no no
D
We like it in the daytime
Bm                 A
We like it in the end of time


[Verse 2]
G                        D
Cold outside and you're just in a T-shirt
Bm                   A
I have cold blood even in a sweater
G                         D
You start your night sippin' by the Kilo
Bm                   A
I don't, I know you know


[Pre-Chorus]
G               D        Bm             A
I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no
    G              D          Bm    A
And you don't ask for me to change



[Chorus]
N.C.                     D
Tell me how we're not alike
       Bm               A
But we work so well and we don't even know why
G              D
Funny how the stars crossed right
       Bm                   A
'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why
 G              D
You can call it fire and ice
    Bm                  A
But we work so well and we don't even know why
G              D
We don't even know why, no no
Bm                          A
We don't even know why, no no no


[Post-Chorus]
N.C.
No no no no
D
We like it in the daytime (we don't even know)
Bm                 A
We like it in the end of time (we don't even know)
N.C.
No no no no
D
We like it in the daytime
Bm                   A
(We don't even know, know, know, know, know)




[Bridge]
G                          D
Somehow we end up on the same side
Bm                          A
And you wouldn't think that we'd be alright
G                      D            Bm             A
Even our eyes are different colors, but we see fine
G                         D
Somehow we end up on the same side (up on the same side)
Bm                            A
And you wouldn't think that we'd be alright

(Think that we'd be alright)

G                      D            Bm             A
Even our eyes are different colors, but we see fine


[Chorus]

 N.C.                     D
(Oh)Tell me how we're not alike
       Bm               A
But we work so well and we don't even know why

('Cause we work so well and we don't even know why, why)
G              D
Funny how the stars crossed right
       Bm                  A
'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why

(But we don't even know why)
G                D
You can call it fire and ice
    Bm                  A
But we work so well and we don't even know why

('Cause we work so well and we don't even know why, why)

G              D
We don't even know why, no no
Bm                          A
We don't even know why, no no no


[Post-Chorus]

N.C.
No no no no
D
We like it in the daytime (we don't even know)
Bm                 A
We like it in the end of time (we don't even know)
N.C.
No no no no
D
We like it in the daytime
Bm             A
We like it in the nighttime

F Am Dm C

    F              Am            Bb          C
The skirts go up, before the wall  among the madding crowds, 
    
     F                      Am                    Dm     C
They ruin, Like the rest of ruin, the rest of us ruin
          F                      Am           Bb           C
You are a living doll riding the circle tracks  behind the walls of clocks, 
        F                      Am                   Dm     C
In your ruin, Like the rest of ruin, the rest of us ruin     

 Bb                        F         C
Traffic will slow for the crash years
 Bb                             F         C      Dm     C
There's no other show like it 'round here, as a ru-u-ule
 Bb                        F            C
Windows will roll for the crash years 
        Bb                       F         C      Dm    C
There's no other show like it 'round here, as a ru-u-ule

F Ab F Ab
# (Whistlng part)

F Am Dm C

        F                     Am               Bb            C     
Now the candle's end, you are a light turned low  and like the rest of us,
                 F            Am               Dm     C
You've got those old, eternity blues, eternity blues
      F                              Am         Bb                C
Your fingers raised, you're looking for the word, what you want is accident
            F                 Am                 Dm    C
And not the drag, spectacular view, what you can lose

 Bb                         F         C
Traffic will slow for the crash years
 Bb                            F         C      Dm     C
There's no other show like it 'round here, as a ruuuule
 Bb                         F         C
Windows will close in the crash years 

Bb                          F        C      Dm     C
    Honey child, you're not safe here, as a ru-u-ule

F Ab F Ab
# (whistling part)

Bb 

F Am Dm C

 Bb                        F         C
Traffic will slow for the crash years
 Bb                             F         C      Dm     C
There's no other show like it 'round here, as a ru-u-ule
 Bb                        F            C
Windows will roll for the crash years 
        Bb                       F         C      Dm    C
There's no other show like it 'round here, as a ru-u-ule

F Ab F Ab
# (Whistling part)

        F                   Am            Dm                  C
And the ruins the wild, the ruins the wild, tonight will be an open mic.

# (Repeat six times and end on an F)

Crash Years

Intro  D     Bm7   G     A     x2


Verse 1
    D                              Bm7
We never spoke a word, but every thought she had 
                         G     A Asus A
I heard from across the room 
             D                               Bm7
If we were standin' face to face I couldn't find the words 
               G               A Asus A
To say give me one more move 
        G              A             G                   A
I don't even know her name, I guess foolish pride's to blame


Chorus 
          D                        D7
Now, I'm fallin' in love as she's walkin' away
        Bm7                 F#              G                    A
And my heart won't tell my mind to tell my mouth what it should say
 D                                  D7
May have lost this battle, live to fight another day
        Bm7 A   G                              Gm
Now I'm fallin' in love as she's walkin' away


Interlude   D     Bm7   G     A     x2


Verse 2
          D                           Bm7
Wise man next to me did say 'bout the one that got away
        G                    A
Son, I missed my chance 
           D                            Bm7
Don't you let regret take place of the dreams you have to chase
     G               A
Ask her to dance, go on, son
           G                 A              G                  A
You might fall down on your face, roll the dice and have some faith


Chorus
          D                        D7
Don't be fallin' in love as she's walkin' away
           Bm7                   F#                G                    A
When your heart won't tell your mind to tell your mouth what it should say
 D                                  D7
May have lost this battle, live to fight another day
         Bm7 A   G                               Gm
Don't be fallin' in love as she's walkin' away 


Solo   D    Bm7  Bm  F#  G   A  D    D7    Bm  F# |A   D 


           G                 A              G                  A
You might fall down on your face, roll the dice and have some faith
 
          D                        D7
Don't be fallin' in love as she's walkin' away
           Bm7                   F#                G                    A
When your heart won't tell your mind to tell your mouth what it should say
 D                                  D7
May have lost this battle, live to fight another day
         Bm7 A    Bm7 A       Bm7 A       G                      G   
Don't be fallin', fallin' in, fallin' in love as she's walkin' away


Outro  (G)   Gm  Bm7  E G  Gm  D

As She's Walking Away

(Chorus)
G
You xxxx X xxx'x smile xxxx xxx
Em
X can't xxxxx xxxxxxx xxx
Am7
I xxx'x xxxxx xxx X xxx'x sing
D7
I'm xxxxxxx xx xxxx xx xx xxxxxxxx
(1st Verse)
G
You xxx X xxxx xxx xxxx xxx'xx sad
Em
X feel xxxx xxxx xxx'xx glad
Am7
If xxx xxxx xxxx xxxx X'x xxxxx through
D7                              G Em G Em
X just xxx'x xxxxx without xxx
(2nd verse)
G
You xxxx along xxxx xxxx x song
Em
Xxx brightened xx xxx
Am7
Whod've xxxxxxxx xxxx xxx xxxx xxxx xx x dream
                  D7
Xxx xx xxx xxxxx light xxxxx xxxx
(Chorus)
         G 
Xxx now xxx xxx X xxx'x smile xxxx xxx
Em
X can't xxxxx xxxxxxx xxx
Am7
I xxx'x xxxxx xxx X xxx'x sing
D7                          Eb
I'm xxxxxxx xx xxxx xx xx anything
(3rd Verse)
Ab
You xxx X xxxx xxx xxxx xxx'xx sad
   Fm
X feel xxxx xxxx xxx'xx glad
Bbm
If xxx xxxx xxxx xxxx X'x xxxxx through
Ebm
X just xxx'x xxxxx
Ebm                                 Ab               C#
Now xxxx xxxxxx xxx happiness xxxxx so xxxx xxxx xx find
C#m                                         Eb     E
Well, X'x xxxxxxx xx xxxx xxxxxxx xxxx xxxx behind me
A
And xxx xxx X xxx'x smile xxxxxxx xxx
F#m
X can't xxxxx xxxxxxx xxx
Bm
X xxx'x laugh xxx X xxx'x sing
E
X'x finding xx xxxx xx xx xxxxxxxx
Bb
You xxx X xxxx xxxx xxxx xxx'xx glad
Gm
X feel xxx xxxx xxx'xx sad
Cm
If xxx xxxx knew xxxx X'x xxxxx through
F
X just xxx'x smile xxxxxxx xxx

Can't Smile Without You

Intro:  D A E A D
        D A E A D  E

      A
I was goin? where I shouldn?t go
D
Seein? who I shouldn?t see
E
Doin? what I shouldn?t do
    A
And bein? who I shouldn?t be


A little voice told me it?s all wrong
        D
Another voice told me it?s alright
  E
I used to think I was strong
    A
But lately I just lost the fight

Chorus:
D         A       E          A
Funny how fallin? feels like flyin?
D          
 For a little while
D         A       E          A
Funny how fallin? feels like flyin?
D                    E
 For a little while

      A
I got tired of bein? good
        D
Started missing that old feeling free
     E
Stop actin? like I thought I should
    A
And went on back to bein? me

  
I never meant to hurt no one
  D
I just had to have my way
           E
If there's such a thing as too much fun
A
This must be the price you pay

Chorus:
D         A       E          A
Funny how fallin? feels like flyin?
D          
 For a little while
D         A       E          A
Funny how fallin? feels like flyin?
D
 For a little while
E                 A                D
 You never see it comin? till it?s gone
E                     A           D
 It all happens for a reason even when it?s wrong
  E
Especially when it?s wrong


Solo: A D E A x2


Chorus:
D         A       E          A
Funny how fallin? feels like flyin?
D          
 For a little while
D         A       E          A
Funny how fallin? feels like flyin?
D                    E
 For a little while

      A
I was goin? where I shouldn?t go
D
Seein? who I shouldn?t see
E
Doin? what I shouldn?t do
    A
And bein? who I shouldn?t be

Canadian Idiot	No rating	intermediate	Chords	Full	Other versions
Pancreas	No rating	intermediate	Chords	Full
White And Nerdy	No rating	beginner	Chords	Full
Do I Creep You Out?	No rating	beginner	Chords	Full
Don't Download This Song	No rating	beginner	Chords	Full
Virus Alert	No rating	intermediate	Tab	Full

Straight Outta Lynwood

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